Toonbound An Earthbound Fanmake
by trickquestion
Summary: In the year 199X, a shadow is descending across the country of Eagleland. Can four friends combine their powers to defeat The Darkness? Or will all be sentanced to the horror of infinite non-existence? A tale of friendship, courage and wisdom.
1. Chapter 1

So, as you have probably guessed by now, this will be fanmake of the Cult Nintendo classic Earthbound, starring various cartoon characters. For those of you who (unfortunately) do not know about Earthbound, here's some back-round: Earthbound is part of the MOTHER series, a trilogy of Japanese RPGs that broke and sometimes mocked typical conventions of the genre. The first two were set in Eagleland, a parody of the USA that the developers used to express their ideas about what the Japanese thought of American society. The third game, MOTHER 3, is set in the far more fantasy inspired Nowhere Islands, but is by far the darkest entry in the series. It is also the most poetic, and is widely considered by many to be the first time a video game qualified as art. It also has what I believe is the saddest ending of any game ever. So far, only MOTHER 2 has been released in any way, shape, or form in America, under the name Earthbound.

Also know now that while some things will be changed, others will be left as they where in Earthbound, and some things I'll just go halfway on.

On wit da' fic!

Chapter 1: The Journey Begins

The year is 199X.

Onett, a small town in Eagleland. A streak of red light shoots across the sky. It broke its peaceful glide across the heavens and suddenly smashed into the nearby hills, sending a crashing boom across the sky.

The noise was loud enough to awaken the residents of the Onett Suburbs, including a blond haired Australian kid named Wally Beatles. "What the crud was that!" he yelled in surprise when the sudden jolt knocked him from his bed. He ran over to the window and looked out at the hills that loomed over the suburbs. The highest hill now had a large crater on the surface, and was glowing with an eerie red light. "Cool!" Wally whistled, then decided to rush out into the night to investigate the potentially dangerous crash site.

Wally sprinted downstairs and ran head first into his mom, who looked down on her son with a cross expression. Wally hid his head and scuffled his feet a little in guilt. Then, his mother began to smile a little. "Oh, alroight, you can go see what all this noise is about. You'd just sneak out of yeah room if I tried to keep you here." she spoke with the same accent as her son.

"Thanks mum!" Wally exclaimed jubilently as he rushed for the door. "I'll be careful, I promise!"

"Uh, just one more thing before you go Wallabe..." his mom added with a suppressed giggle. "Don't yah think it'd be a good idea to change out of yeah jammies first?" Wally looked down to see he was, in fact, still wearing the pajamas he put on before bed. With a groan, Wally went back upstairs and changed into the jeans and orange hoodie he normally wore during the day. Finally, he was out the door.

"Jeez, there sure are a lot of cops out!" Wally said quietly to himself as he walked past yet another police officer on his rather uneventful trip up the hill. He finally reached a part of the road completely blocked by officers of the law. However, one person stood out in the line of black uniforms. "Cartman? What are you doing here fat boy?" Wally asked.

Cartman was Wally's fat, obnoxious, greedy (and only) neighbor. The two deeply resented each-other, and Cartman's ability to get his way was all that kept Wally from socking him on numerous occasions.

"Don't be rubbernecking asshole. Stop getting in the cops... I mean, the nice officers way." Cartman said in a mean tone, only to sound sweet and polite when a cop turned his head in the fat kid's direction. "Just go back to bed Wally. Tomorrow I, the great Cartman, will tell you all about the awesome meteorite I found."

"Grrrrr... you win this round chubby." Wally snarled, and began heading home.

* * *

Wally returned home and went back to bed, only to be awoken a short while later by heavy knocking on the front door. Rubbing sleep from his eyes for the second time that night, the blond boy joined his mother and baby brother Joey in the living room when Cartman burst through the door looking panicked.

"Wally, Wally you gotta help me dude! When I went up to see the meteorite..." he stopped his frenzied rant when he noticed Mrs. Beatles. His voice then became sickeningly polite. "Good evening ma'am. Your looking lovely as usual." he spoke/whined before snickering at his own perceived cleverness. "Anyway... Wally, you're my best friend and I have to get back to the meteor. Won't you help me?"

"Buzz off chubby." Wally said rudely. "I'm going back ta bed."

Cartman then leaned forward. "If you refuse me, I'll say something that will cut you like a knife." he whispered in Wally's ear. The Australian rolled his eyes.

"Fine, let me go change out of my P.J.'s AGAIN!" he said wearily while stomping back to his room.

A few minutes later he came back down in his orange hoodie and worn jeans, and now had an old, cracked bat resting on his shoulders. Wally felt something tugging on his leg and looked down to see his baby brother Joey. "Huh, what is it Joey?" he asked. The ankle-bitter then held out a cookie and babbled some baby talk. "In case I get hungry? Thanks Joey!" Wally replied while sticking the cookie in his sweater pocket.

"You really don't want to know where he kepta that." Cartman snickered behind them.

"Well, I guess this is it. People may try and tell yeh different, but always know that you're a strong, courageous, kind boy. You're my natural born fighter. Now go get 'em sport!" Wally's mother said encouragingly while giving her son a peck on the cheek.

"M-OM! I'm gonna be back in less then an hour!" the Australian groaned.

"Just remember: you'll always be mama's little man!" she said while a gleeful grin. "And I know he's unreliable, but I think you should take Brian with you." she added while motioning to a white furred dog sleeping in the corner.

"Wait, what?" the dog spoke in confusion when the sound of his name awoke him.

"Alright then, let's blow this popsicle stand!" Cartman exclaimed while getting off the couch. "You go out in front, and I'll follow from a safe distance!"

Wally rolled his eyes at this. "Roight then. Alright, let's get go..." he was suddenly cut off by the sound of the phone ringing. "What now!"

The blond walked over to the telephone and picked it up. "'Ello?"

"Work ye' self to exhaustion when yer young. Have you ever heard of such a weird saying before Wally?" asked an older male voice that sounded just like the one belonging to the boy on the other end of the phone.

"Dad, is that you?" Wally asked. His Dad's job had him working almost all the time, so he hardly ever saw him.

"I just want you to know that I support you 100%. I'll deposit money in yeh bank account as yah go along. You got your ATM card sport?" Wally held up the small plastic card up and a gave a small affirmative grunt. "Good. Go get 'em sport! I feel like such a hero! Well, at least the father of a hero..." and with that, he hung up.

"Alright, I guess we should get going." Brian spoke up. "This is gonna be weirder then when I was Chewbacca in that Star Wars parody."

* * *

The team of three finally exited the Beatles' residence and stepped out into the night. It was windy and creepy and cold, but the party pressed on. At just about the half way mark however, a screeching CAW pierced the air, and the three noticed a collection of wild animals coming their way. A Stray Dog, two Coil Snakes and a Spiteful Crow had jumped from the trees and approached the party menacingly. Wally readied his bat, Brian began growling, and Cartman tried to hide behind Wally.

The Coil Snakes lepta forward first. Wally rolled backwards to dodge the attack, then smashed the first serpent over the head with the bat. The Coil Snake was defeated and slithered off. Cartman was running around a complaining to Wally as the Spiteful Crow tried to peck at his eyes. The second Coil Snake had wrapped itself around the Australian and was attempting to squeeze the life out of him.

Meanwhile, Brian was talking to the mangy brown Stray Dog. "I don't get it. You're a good dog, you had a great family and everything was working out for you. Why'd you just run away from home and start attacking people?" he asked.

"Well, things were pretty good, when you put it that way. But lately it just hasn't felt right, you know? Plus, the guy I'm working for gave me a great deal. Four day work week, five hours a day, and a great health care plan! I'm gonna need it too, seeing as Obama just passed Commie Care! Eh, eh?" the Stray Dog said jokingly, then became serious. "No, really. I thought things were way better with Bush in office."

Brian narrowed his eyes at the other dog, then pulled out a large, silver handgun and shot the Stray Republican Dog once between the eyes. Wally looked up from the Coil Snake he was currently bashing to death with a bat. "Jeez Brian, this is a fanmake of a kid's game!"

"FORGET ABOUT THE *$%^-ING KIDS AND HELP ME FOR CHRIST SAKE!" Cartman shouted. Despite playing dead, apologizing profusely, smiling insincer and using Wally as a human shield, he had yet to evade the Spiteful Crow. Wally rolled his eyes and smaaaaashed! the attacking bird with his bat, securing victory for the trio.

They finally reached the hill where the meteor landed. Brian had been shaking ever since the battle against the wild animals. Finally, he just stopped and let out a loud howl. "That's it THAT'S IT! I gotta go Wally, I've gone too long without a drink! Sorry guys!" And with that, the alcoholic canine ran off.

"Stupid mutt." Cartman muttered. He then noticed something laying against a nearby tree. "CLYDE FROG!" the fat kid shouted. He then ran over and scooped up the stuffed amphibian into his arms. "I'm sorry I left you behind Clyde Frog."

"WE WENT THROUGH ALL THAT JUST FOR A STUPID STUFFED ANIMAL!" Wally shouted in disbelief.

"Don't listen to him Clyde Frog." Cartman said softly. "Hey, do you hear a buzzing that sounds like a bee?"

Wally just nodded yes in response. Suddenly the meteor began to glow as the surface split open. A beam of light shot out of the opening as a winged insect hovered out of the extra-terrestial boulder.

"A bee I am... not. I am Atom Ant

* * *

Author's notes: And so it begins. I'm eager to hear what everyone thinks of this, and I hope I end up creating a few more Earthbound fans.

Brian was referring to Blue Harvest when he mentioned Chewbacca, and he stated in a regular episode that he bought a handgun in case he ever decided to kill himself while battling alcoholism.

The Smaaaaash! attack, Runaway Dog, Coil Snake and Spiteful Crows were all from Earthbound. Everything else is stuff I stole from various cartoons.

Also, I have no intention of offending people of either political party. I just thought the shooting would be funny. ...That came out wrong didn't it?


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Prophecies and a couple of aliens

"I come from ten years in the future, where all is devastation. The Darkness, the universal cosmic destroyer, has sentenced all to the horror of infinite un-existence." Atom Ant spoke to Wally and Cartman. "But there is hope! Legends tell of three boys and a girl who can save the world. And one of those boys is you, Wally."

Wally was stunned. "Me? Are you sure?"

"Well, he sure as hell doesn't mean me! No way am I gonna risk my life for some stupid insect's future crap!" Cartman added in.

"Yes well, such a fate is not for everyone. Wally, if you and the friends you haven't met yet are to succeed in saving the world you will need wisdom, courage, and friendship. These alone will not be enough however. You will need to bond with the power of the Earth, and let it multiply your own strength. But we should get inside for now. The Darkness's evil influence will warp the mind's of wild animals, as well as humans who have darkness in their hearts. He will also send many servants to hinder you. But you must never give up!" Atom Ant said to just Wally. "Do you understand the massive responsibility that has been placed on your shoulders?"

With eyes as wide as saucers, Wally could only nod yes in a dumb manner. As the information began to sink in, he muttered "Joey is never gonna believe this."

"Good. You are every bit as exceptional as I has hoped. For now, we should get to shelter." Atom Ant said while flying into a circle around Wally's head. "Up and at 'em, ATOM ANT!"

"Man oh man, are you in trouble now Beatles!" Cartman said in his annoying voice as the group began to head down the hill.

"Oh shut UP lard-O! While I'm going to try and help people, I bet you're just gonna stay home and stuff your face on the couch!" Wally shouted back. In his annoyance however, he had failed to notice a low hanging tree branch and walked into it. Wally fell to the ground then howled in pain.

"Awww, did the little baby get beaten by a tree branch?" Cartman asked mockingly.

"Would you can it already! Those snakes we fought earlier bit me on the leg, and I just landed in it!" Wally shouted with pain in his voice. Atom Ant fly in closer.

"If you truly are the chosen one, you should be able to wield the power of PSI to attack, defend and support. Place your hand on the wound and focus your thoughts." Atom Ant explained.

"All four of them." Cartman added snidely.

"Remind me never to help you again." Wally said back while doing as Atom Ant instructed. The Australian closed his eyes and focused his mind. His hand suddenly began to glow purple as the wound began to close up and heal. "Woah..."

"With time, you will realize more and more PSI abilities in your quest against The Darkness. Just remember to..." Atom Ant's next words were cut off by a blinding flash of light from the sky. When everyone could see again, a steel gray robot with an antena sticking from its rounded head. Its flexible, ringed arms were held against its hips in a way so that its three fingered hands were pointing away from its body.

"Check it out chumps and chumpettes, Bender's in the house!" The kleptomatic robot exclaimed.

"Bender, my long time foe! The Darkness had tasked him with destroying me 10 years in the future." Atom Ant explained.

"That's right meatbags, Master Darkness has promised me a big sack of loot for bug boy's head on a plate. So when I heard you'd gone into the past, I rigged up my pimpmobile time machine and came back after you! You may have once been a hero Atom Ant, but now you're nothing but a daffodil gut loser!" Bender declared while opening his chest panel, and pulling out a Tommy Gun.

'"PSI shield sigma!" Atom Ant shouted, and a protective shield formed around the kids. Bender began firing, but the bullets bounced off the PSI shield. "Up and at 'em, ATOM ANT!" Atom Ant shouted while charging forward and slamming into the alcoholic robot.

"Up yours buddy!" Bender shouted while dousing a bottle of beer. A few seconds later he belched out a massive fireball that brought down the psychic shield. Wally then took the opprotunity to charge forward and slam his bat into the robot's leg while Cartman played dead. "Aw crap, I'm boned." he muttered.

"PSI Thunder Sigma!" shouted Atom Ant as his body began to crackle with electricity. A bolt of lighting then lepta from the insect and fried Bender.

As the malicious machine slowly shut down on the ground, he sent one last pulse through his vocabulator to vocalize one last piece of dialogue. "Bite...My...Shiny...Metal...Ass."

Atom Ant was panting with weary success. "It seems... time travel had taken more out of me then I thought. Now, we must get inside." he declared, and the three finally returned to Cartman's house.

"Cartman, sweetie, where were you!" Cartman's mom exclaimed as soon as her son came through the door.

"MOM! I just went through some crazy #%&$ and now I'm going up to bed! Bring me some cookies then leave me the *^% alone!" the rotten child shouted while going up the stairs. He stopped suddenly and smirked evilly. "And could you please swat that bug? The buzzing is giving me a headache." he said in his whiny voice.

"Whatever you need sweetie." his mother replied, then ran over to Atom Ant, and before either he or Wally could do something, she smashed Atom Ant into the floor. She then headed into the kitchen to prepare the cookies.

"It appears... that I was weaker then I had hoped. Wally, you must listen very carefully." Atom Ant spoke up while Wally nodded vigorously. "If you are to save the Earth, you must bond with it, and let its power multiply your own. You can accomplish this at eight "Your Sanctuary" locations. The first one is a place named Giant Step in the hills north of Onett. Take this." Atom Ant said while using his last bit of power to float a shiny, smooth pebble out of his pocket. Wally took it and looked closely at it. "It is the Sound Stone. At each Your Sanctuary location, it will record one of eight melodies that will help you defeat the darkness. It is truly an awesome item..."

Wally took the Sound Stone and placed it in his pocket. "I do not have much streangth left, but do you need to hear my story again?"

Wally then scratched his head a little. "Well... ah. Could you go over the part with the Sanctuaries, and the PSI? And, and how many friends am I supposed to meet again? Was it 6? Or Q? You said Q earlier, roight?" he asked in a dumb manner.

"Ugh! I fear... my time has come. It is almost dawn outside, but that makes no difference to me..." With those final words, Atom Ant died.

Wally silently scooped up the heroic insect and went home. He buried the hero from the future in the backyard, ate a dinne prepared by his mother, and went to bed for the night. When morning came, he put on his hoodie, said goodbye to his family, and stepped out the door with his bat over his shoulder.

"Get ready Darkness, 'cause you're going down!" Wally shouted towards the sky and began his quest.

* * *

Author's notes: And so our hero's great journey began.

Even though I think Wally is a lot smarter then most people realize, he will still have his moments of the stupidity.

Bender will almost definitely not be re-appearing in this story, but I wanted to have him appear at some point. So he's playing Starman Jr. A dedicated Futurama fan should have caught the various references to episodes.

Paula being played by Kuki should be rather obvious, but I'm still not sure who to use for Jeff and Poo, as well as a few other characters (but I will say that fans of Ed Edd and Eddy as well as Invader Zim will be pleasantly surprised in later chapters.) Suggestions are always welcome.

Please review!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Grand Theft Ed-O

"CAUSE YOU'RE GOING DOWN!" Wally shouted into the sky. He stood still for several seconds, then blinked when he realized he had no plan whatsoever. "Well, I guess heading into town to buy some better stuff might be a good start..."

"Pictures taken instantaneously!" came a voice from above. Something suddenly hit the ground in front of Wally and sent dirt into his eyes. "I'm a photographic genius if I do say so myself! Get ready for an instant memory! Say Fuzzy Pickles!" Just as he finally finished rubbing the dirt from his eyes, a bright flash from a camera blinded him again. "Ah, what a heartwarming photograph. It will always bring back the fondest of memories! (and hopefully bring me a paycheck since I lost my school photographer job.)" And with that, the strange photographer disappeared again.

"I'm just gonna pretend that didn't happen." Wally said after rubbing his eyes. "Time to get moving!" A quick jog into town and a short shopping spree at the drug store later, Wally stepped on to the mean streets of Onett, with only a bat, a cheap bracelet, and his never give up attitude. "Now where did Atom Ant say I had to go first... Right! The Giant Step!" The Australian had a triumphant look on his face until he realized he forgot what a 'Giant Step' was. "Was it some kind of shoe store...? Meh, if I wander around long enough I'm sure it will come to me." he decided and took off in no particular direction.

Wally was strolling down the street with a walk animation reminiscent of a black and white Disney cartoon, complete with visible song notes. His merry stroll was being observed by three roguish fellows loitering around a street lamp. One of them was wearing a black ski hat with a solid red short sleeve and black cargo shorts. The biggest one had a mono-brow and a green jacket. The shortest one had his hair styled up into three strands in an obviously fake manner. He had a yellow striped shirt and jeans on. He was also holding a skateboard. The one thing the three hoodlums had in common were sleek black mirrored sunglasses.

"Hey guys, check it out: new pigeon." the short one said.

"You think Boss Eddie will promote us if we can grab this guys cash?" asked the sock headed one.

"Only one way to find out!" the one with the mono-brow declared.

"OK then. Follow my lead." the short one with the skateboard ordered. He mounted his board and the three took off towards Wally, who was still enjoying his brightly animated walk. He was knocked out of his vintage daze when the lead punk on the skateboard barreled into Wally and sent him stumbling into the dirt.

When he got up, he brushed off his clothes, then rolled his eyes when he got a look at his attackers. "Oh boy. And just who are you clowns?" he asked in an annoyed tone.

"You had better not be insulting us shorty!" the tall one said threateningly. "Do you even know who we are? We're part of the Eds, the baddest street gang in Onett! Now hand over all your cash now!"

"Don't...call...me...SHORT!" Wally shouted back. He grabbed his bat, gave it a few warm up swings and pointed it towards the punks. "You guys are going down!"

The three looked at each other with smirks. "GET HIM!" shouted the one wearing the sock hat, and they all charged forward.

Sock Head Jr., Skateboarding Scammer and Monobrowed Muscle attacked! The Skateboarding Scammer attacked first, thrashing radically on his board. Wally jumped over him, but before he could counter-attack, the Monobrowed Muscle put his hands together over his head and brought them down towards the Austrailian. Wally dodged again, but the Sock Head Jr. had finished shaking up a can of soda, and opened it right at Wally, blasting him in the face with the fizzy liquid and knocking him back. The Monobrowed Muscle charged towards our hero, and hit with a Smaaash!

Wally flew into a nearby dumpster, and the force of his impact caused the trashcan to fall over and spill its disgusting contents into the street. "Roight then. Now I'm mad!" he exclaimed while pulling himself up and picking the garbage off his clothes. It was then that he noticed something in the scattered trash. "A Cheeseburger? Who in their roight mind would throw out such a perfectly good Cheeseburger? Well, it's mine now!" he said while looking over the filthy fast food. He then promptly swallowed it whole, thoroughly grossing out the three hoodlums.

"Alroight weirdos, it's Round Q!" Wally shouted before charging back into battle. Not one to sacrifice power for finesse, the blond boy ran forward and headbutted the Sock Head Jr., knocking him out cold. When the Monobrowed Muscle came out him, Wally responded by slamming his bat into the ruffian's legs. He still wouldn't go down though. When he charged again however, Wally felt a strange feeling enter his mind. Instead of moving out of the raging punks path, our hero simply closed his eyes and pressed all ten of his fingertips to his cranium.

"PSI..." he chanted, on the verge of realizing a new power. "HYPNOSIS ALPHA!" he shouted, the words spoken with both his throat and mind. Multi-colored circles began to dance across the bigger kids eyes, and within moments, he was asleep on his feet. Wally began to smirk before knocking the napping nemesis out of his trance and out of the battle.

By now, the Skateboarding Scammer knew he couldn't win and was trying to sneak off quietly. Wally just grabbed him by the scruff of the neck. "Alroight wise guy, where's your boss hang out!" he demanded.

"I...in the empty lot, behind the arcade!" the punk stuttered out.

"Well you go tell him that Wallabe Beatles is gonna shut him down!" he said, then tossed the short punk into the air and smacked him with his bat, which sent him flying towards the very arcade Wally planned on taking down.

* * *

After a battling his way across down, a significantly stronger Wally opened up the doors of the arcade like an old west gunfighter heading into a saloon. The four or five Eds inside gave him a wide berth as he strode towards the back door of the arcade, which was being guarded by a particularly big Monobrowed Muscle, who somehow seemed less... fake then the other.

"Outta me way!" Wally shouted. "I'm here to see your boss and knock some sense into him!"

"HALT HERO!" Ed shouted. "Only those chosen by Master Darkness may speak with Eddie, for we have agreed to serve The Darkness in exchange for him not sucking our spleens out with garden hoses! Have at thee!" he rambled before drawing a large piece of sausage and swinging it all Wally as if it were a sword.

Wally, being nimbler and a smaller target, was able to hop over the incoming meat and onto the Ed-boy's head. He jumped down from Ed's head, then smashed his bat into the stupid kids back, soundly defeating the lumbering idiot.

"My head feels like it was trapped in the vice-arms of the Meddling Brood Mothers of Vilgax Nine, as seen in Strange Tales #71." Ed rambled while rubbing his head. He then looked at Wally like this was their first meeting. "BOWL HEAD! You have to help my friends! The evil Darkness has consumed the minds of Eddy and Double D, forcing them to serve his evil will. YOU HAVE TO HELP THEM!" he rambled while violently shaking the Australian hero.

"I might if you would LET GO OF ME ALREADY!" Wally shouted back, and Ed began to sob tears of joy.

"THANK YOU SO MUCH!" he exclaimed. "You are like a little orange chicken that fights evil."

"Yeah... whatever." Wally muttered while walking out the back door to face the boss.

The boss was a short kid, not much taller then Wally, wearing a sleek red suit, the same slick sunglasses as the rest of his gang, and with the same haircut as the Skateboarding Scammers (with the notable difference that his hair grows into the unique cut naturally.) He sizes up Wally as the Australian gets closer.

"So you're the one who's been messing with my gang." Eddy began. "I've heard of you from some of my accomplices. Name's Wally, right? You know, you remind me a lot of me before I hit the big time: just a misunderstood outcast trying to make his way in the world, am I right? Me and my two best friends used to pull the stupidest of scams, and for chump change no less! Of course, that all changed the day Ed found the Evil Mandy Mandy Statue."

"The evil what now?" Wally asked, confused by the odd revelation.

"The Evil Mandy Mandy Statue. It's this wierd gold statue of an evil looking little girl with hair shaped like horns and glowing red eyes." Eddy elaborated. "Big Ed dug it up while we were preparing our latest scam. Let me tell ya something: that thing might have been ugly, but ever since we found we've been batting a thousand! Every scam we pulled worked perfectly and the cash was just rolling in! Then, people started showing up at my house, saying they want to work for me! Work FOR me!" he exclaimed with joy.

"We ditched the small time swindles and started pulling bigger and better jobs. More and more followers flocked to my banner, and the police were totally powerless!" Eddy boasted, more to himself then Wally, who was just waiting for the whole thing to end. "The the best day of my life came around: Some guy blew in from Twoson and bought the Evil Mandy Mandy Statue from me for 5,000 big one! Until I found that thing, I never pictured myself owning 50 dollars! That's when I knew we had to expand! The Eds were ready to dominate the whole world baby!" Eddy finally finished.

"Anyway, you're a tough kid, and you could help us break trough the police roadblocks and spread my gang. So, do you want in?" Eddy offered.

"Forget it! Even if I wasn't already on a mission to save the world, I would never join a sleazeball like you!" Wally shouted back, getting ready for battle.

Eddy got a wicked grin on his face as a beam of sunlight reflected of his mirrored shades. "Suit yourself kid. But don't say I didn't offer." he replied while reaching into his suit pocket. When his hand emerged, it was gripping a switchblade. Eddy flicked it open and sliced forward at Wally.

"Holy crud!" Wally exclaimed in shock. "I thought you were just gonna try and beat me up! What's with trying to murder me!"

"Should've just joined the winning side when you had a chance kid." Eddy replied while taking another swing. This one nicked the blond kid on the arm, to which Wally responded by smashing his bat across Eddy's face.

"Crud that hurts!" Wally seethed while placing his hand over the wound. "PSI LifeUp Alpha!" he spoke while willing the wound to close. He focused intensely, and the power of PSI restored him to full strength.

Eddy had just gotten back on his feet and was readjusting his now cracked sunglasses. Realizing he would not last long against an opponent with both superior physical strength and strange powers, he took a gamble and tossed the knife right at Wally's head.

Wally noticed the oncoming blade, and at the last second moved his bat in front of his head so that the knife dug into the wooden bat instead of Wally's bone skull. The blond boy then dropped the bat and slugged Eddy right between the eyes, shattering his shades and taking out some teeth. "Give up yet?" Wally asked in a taunting manner.

"I still got one last trick left." Eddy said in a pained voice. "DOUBLE D, NOW!" he shouts as the rather large bush behind him begins to shake, before being totally blown apart by a strange, treaded machine built out of junk. "Meet the Eddystein Mark II!" It had a "face" built to resemble Eddy, and two robotic arms on both sides. In between the arms and below the face is a glass panel, through which a physically frail boy in a sock hat can be seen operating the device. "We used the money from selling the Evil Mandy Mandy Statue to finance this little number's construction. My plan is to use it to smash through the cop's roadblocks, but since Double D says we need to test it, I guess you'll be the first victim!"

For several seconds, the robot did nothing while Wally munched on a cookie. Then, a burst of steam shot out of the machine as it charged forward and rammed into Wally. "Take THIS!" the hero replied while striking back in anger. His fury filled blow managed to crack the glass window while the robot just sat and did nothing.

Then, it released more steam and charged again. Ready for the attack this time, Wally rolled out of the way successfully. He then counter-attacked by smashing in the robot/tank's right set of treads, severely hampering the machine's mobility.

"NOT GOOD! NOT GOOD!" raved Double D in panic. Inside the tank, he was desperately pushing every button and pulling every leaver in an attempt to make the robot work. Suddenly, a tapping on the glass caught his attention. It was Wally, and he was aiming his bat at the already cracked window. "Not good." Double D muttered quietly, and a few seconds later the Eddystein Mark II was scrapped.

Eddy was on his knees, the weight of being a failure again weghing down on him like a stone. "Well, you beat me kid. Just hand me over to the police and put an end to my doomed efforts to be importent." he said dejecdedly, holding his arms out as if to await handcuffs.

"Wait Eddy!" came a familiar voice.

"Ed!" Eddy and Edd said together as the third member of the group came running out. The large, smelly kid then ran up and crushed his friends into a bear hug.

"I am so happy to see that bowl head managed to free you from the evil of The Darkness!" he cheered.

It was then that Wally remembered what Atom Ant has said about The Darkness using its evil to corrupt people and animals. "You know what Eddy, I'm not gonna turn you in. But you better stop making trouble or I'll come back!" he said in a tough tone. He did still have a reputation to maintain.

"You hear that Eddy? We can finally get a clean start!" Double D exclaimed.

"You're right Double D, our scamming days are over. It's time we get actual jobs." Eddy replied. He then turned to Wally. "Thanks a lot kid, you've really helped us out. I'll make sure the other don't cause any more trouble. If you ever need a place to crash, come on by to my place. You're welcome there anytime."

"I'll be sure to remember that Eddy." Wally said in a friendly tone. "Well, I gotta get going for now. Do any of you know where Giant Step is by the way?"

"Giant Step is up in the hills of Onett." Double D answered. "To get there, you'll need to go through the Traveling Entertainers shack. It was locked by the police chief because of our actions, but I'm sure you could convince him to unlock it now that we're reformed."

"Got'cha. And Eddy?" Wally said, causing the former gang leader to look up at him. "Nice meeting you." He then picked up his bat, dusted off his clothes, and headed off.

"Nice meeting you too Wally."

* * *

Author's notes: A couple things to explain here. First off all, in Earthbound you can find food which will restore your health in trash cans. In the game, they're Hamburgers, but I used Cheeseburgers because of that KND episode with the giant asparagus.

In Earthbound, the Evil Mani Mani Statue (changed to Evil Mandy Mandy Statue here for obvious reasons) is first encountered earlier on, but the idea of using it to explain Eddie's (playing Frank Fly) extreme corruption was just too good to pass up.

As for why Ed is the only one who realizes The Darkness is corrupting him and his friends? Let's just say that having a mind rotted to the core by horror movies and sci-fi comics has a few benefits. Not many, but a few.

So read and review!


	4. Chapter 4

I just realized I forgot to mention who the Camera Guy is. He's being played by the school photographer from an episode of Ed, Edd and Eddy and just as in the show, he will never be seen directly.

Chapter 4: The First Sanctuary.

"My dear boy, you've defeated those hoodlums and saved my town!" exclaimed the mayor of Onett, a short white haired man with a big nose and a monocle. His position as mayor was announced to the world with a white sash across his chest with the word, 'mayor' in bold black ink. "You beat them up, broke their legs, kicked their butts, tore off their heads, spit in their eyes and made them wet their pants!"

"Aw, they weren't so tough Mr. Mayor. All they needed was a little talkin' to from Righty" Wally replied with sarcastic humility while jabbing his right fist forward "and Southy!" he shouted again while jabbing his left fist.

"Yes, well, if there is anything else you need to help make the town safe that would also help me get re-elected, simply ask and you shall recive!" The mayor said back. "As long as I'm not required to take responsibility for any bodily harm you may suffer."

"Well, now that you mention it..." Wally said with a sly voice while rolling his eyes.

A few minutes later, Wally was standing outside City Hall with a wagon loaded with various sweets, candies and other sugary goods. "Thanks Mr. Mayor!" the blond boy yelled back while waving over his shoulder and walking away.

"Good luck young man, and remember to tell people to vote for me!" Mr. Mayor yelled back. He then turned to his assistant, whose head had been cut off by camera restrictions. "Winning the endorsements of brutal vigilantes is a brilliant strategy, isn't it Miss Bellum?"

"Yes Mr. Mayor." his assistant replied. "Should I inform the police chief that the Traveling Entertainers Shack is no longer off limits?"

"Yes, yes, all in good time. For the time being, I need to work out how to keep this publicity stunt going!" the mayor answered as the two headed back indoors.

Fifteen minutes later, we find our hero groaning in pain with a swollen belly, his wagon full of candy completely empty. "Urgh... I don't think I can eat... one... more... OH! BUTTERSCOTCH!" he groaned out, before noticing a dull brown piece of candy at the bottom of the wagon. "OW!" the young boy screamed with pain as his teeth came in contact not with sweet, sweet butterscotch, but cold, hard metal. Wally the pulled the false candy from his mouth as tears welled up in his eyes. "Why did you betray me?" he asked with sadness. The Australian then recognized the object: it was the key to the shack the mayor had given him. "Oh yeah..." he said with slow comprehension before heading off to Giant Step.

Meanwhile, inside the cave system leading to Giant Step, a menacing Caterpie is lying in wait for the chosen hero to arrive. "OK, this is it!" he thought to himself. "This is my chance to finally prove to Master Darkness I have what it takes to win the Henchmen of the Month Award!" It then noticed a young boy enter the cave. "That's him! Alright hero, here I..." any further words were cut off by Wally's crushing step as it squished the life and dreams of Caterpie A.

"Oh bugger, I stepped in something!" Wally said in disgust when he noticed the smashed psychic insect on his shoe. He continued on through the cave, his sense of strength growing with every beaten Rowdy Rattata, smashed Attack Slugma and beaten Bellsprout. "Man, these enemies would be a lot harder to beat if they weren't less then two inches tall." Wally mused to himself as he approached the exit from the cave and into Giant Step.

Suddenly, Wally heard a sinister voice in his head. "This is the first "Your Sanctuary" location. But it's mine now. Take it from me, if you dare!" The challenger drew near, revealing itself to be none other then Heracross, one of the many life forms driven to evil by The Darkness!

"Bring it on!" Wally shouted back, and rushed forward onto battle. The Heracross dropped its head low, causing the creatures signature horn to ram into the hero's stomach. The sanctuary stealer then flipped over, throwing Wally into the dirt. "Now you're gonna get it!" he shouted in response, then charged ahead with his bat held high.

The Heracross used PSI Shield Alpha, and the simplistic "bash-your-enemy-with-a-blunt-object-really-hard" attack was not very effective! The insidious insect wound up all its strength and punched Wally across the room. Yet, as he sat smashed against the cave wall like a dropped french fry at a fast food restaurant, the Australian began to feel something well up inside him. He closed his eyes, focused his mind, then began to smirk.

"PSI..." he said slowly while opening his eyes, which were now glowing with PSI power. "ROCKIN' ALPHA!" he shouted while thrusting his hands out in front of him. A destructive shock-wave of power blasted from his palms and enveloped the enemy. The Heracross was tossed into a wall across the cavern.

"PSI LifeUp..." the Heracross struggled to psychically say in an attempt to heal itself.

"PSI Hypnosis Alpha!" Wally responded first, putting his opponent to sleep. Seizing the opportunity, Wally ran forward, and with a SMAAAASH of his bat, brought an end to the fight. The Heracross, now free of the influence of The Darkness, flipped itself over and scurried away.

"Now that that's done with, let's go check out this Giant Step." Wally said while exciting the cave.

When our hero emerged from the cavern, the first thing he noticed was that everything seemed to be, brighter somehow, but not in a way that hurt his eyes after being in the dark cave for so long. The air was pleasantly warm, but not hot, and a massive foot imprint marked the ground. Wally had never felt so at peace in his whole life. Suddenly, a soft melody slowly wafted into his ears, and images of a small, white stray puppy being picked up out of a gutter by Wally and his mother danced across his mind's eye. He then noticed that the Sound Stone given to him by Atom Ant was glowing.

Acting on impulse, Wally touched the Sound Stone to his forehead, and he could hear a soft, gentle tune play for a few seconds before ending. "So you can record music, huh?" Wally asked to the Sound Stone. "I wonder if you can hold more songs then an Ipod..."

Several minutes later, Wally had ventured back through the cave and stood ready to face his next challenge. Unfortunatly, he had no clue whatsoever as to where to go next. Lucky for him, fate and his own stupidity were about to decide for him.

"Hey kid!" came a shout. Wally then came face to face with an extremely fat, yellow skinned police officer. "Can't you read! The sign says Do Not Enter!" shouted Officer Wiggum, one of Onett's infamous police force.

Wally looked at the sign (which actually said ''Don't Enter") then looked back at the officer. "Uh, no, I...I actually can't." he said with a spot of shame.

"Don't play games with me kid! I'd drag you down to Police HQ myself, but the buffet hour at Salty Mike's is almost up. So you better show up later on, or you'll get off scot free!" he said before lumbering away.

Wally just rolled his eyes at the officer's obvious incompetence. "Not even I'm that dumb..." he thought to himself as he headed back to town. Wally paid for one night of sleep at the Onett Hotel, and drifted off to sleep after a hard day's work...

"Wally..."

"Wally...?"

"Can you hear me Wally...?"

"My name is Kuki..."

"I'm a friend that you've never met before Wally..."

"I live in Twoson, and I need your help Wally..."

That morning, Wally woke up with a terrible headache. As he stumbled out the door, a bellhop read him the headline for the local newspaper. "Road to Twoson still blocked by order of Police Chief Joe."

"Well, since that road is the ONLY road leading out of town, I guess I do have to go to the Police Station after all..." Wally said, a little frustrated. He was still troubled by the dream from last night. He had no idea how this Kuki person could be his friend if they'd never met before, but since everything was telling him to go to Twoson, it was up to him to convince the police to unblock the road!

"After all," he said with a shrug "how hard could that be?"

* * *

Author's notes: Wally, Wally, Wally. You just have no idea how dumb cartoon police forces are, do you?

For those of you who are wondering why Wally can understand Pokemon, it's because he's psychic. While most people would only hear them saying their name over and over, anyone with PSI can simply read their minds and know what they mean. I'll still try not to give them too many speaking parts however.

Next time, Wally confronts the (in)famous Onett Police Force in an effort to open the road to Twoson. Shall Wally prevail? Will the cops actually be competent? And will Kuki be waiting in Twoson, or shall a long, winding side-quest be necessary to rescue her?

...Why are you asking me? I haven't written it yet!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: I fought the law...

Wally stood in front of the Onett Police Station, knowing he had to convince the chief to open the road to Twoson. "Well, here goes nothing." our hero muttered while stepping through the doors. He quickly spotted the Chief of Police, who was talking to a cadet a few feet away. "Hey, police chief guy, I need to get to Twoson. Why are the cruddy roads blocked?" he asked.

The Chief of Police was an extremely muscular and imposing figure... save for the fact he was in a wheelchair. "The roads are blocked because it's an emergency. At times like this, kids like you should be at home playing watching cartoons like Spongbob or Kids Next Door." Chief Joe Swanson replied.

"Look, I took care of that cruddy gang the Eds, so there's no reason to keep the roads closed!" Wally yelled back.

"You think we couldn't have done that, HUH, HUH?" Joe yelled back, flying into a rage. "IF YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THEN THE COPS, FOLLOW ME!" he shouted, rolling into a back room as Wally followed. Inside the room were five cops. "Let's see if your in any shape to walk after a battle with five of my best guys! GET HIM!"

The first cop to step into battle was a slightly overweight man with black mirrored sunglasses. "I may not be able to read, but I can still take you down!" declared Officer Barbrady as he drew his nightstick and moved in on Wally. The illiterate cop swung down, but our hero's fast feet let him dodge quickly. He lepta forward and landed a flying kick into Barbrady's stomach. The incompetent cop fell to the floor while gripping his stomach in pain "OW! You hurt my tummy." he complained while walking out of the room defeated.

"Alright you punk, I'll show you that your average police officer is stronger then any Super-Hero!" exclaimed an over weight police detective in between taking chunks out of a donut.

"Bring it on lard legs!" Wally shouted in response.

"LARD LEGS! I'LL TEACH YOU NOT TO MESS WITH HARVEY BULLOCK!" he exclaimed while coming out swinging. Wally was knocked back, and quickly gulped down a banana to recover strength.

Bullock came out swinging again, but failed to notice the banana peel Wally had left on the floor. He slipped on it and was promptly KO'd.

"Alright kid, as soon as I'm done drinking this warm cream, you're history!" exclaimed Officer Wiggum, who then picked up an extremely worn, pre-opened carton of cream and began guzzling it down. "Oh boy." he said in a nauseous voice as the effects of the spoiled cream hit him.

"PSI HYPNOSIS ALPHA!" was Wally's response to the failed attack, and Wiggum fell into a peaceful slumber.

"I didn't quit my Park Ranger job after finally catching that pesky bear to lose to a kid!" yelled Officer (formerly Ranger) Smith as he charged out. Unlike his cohorts, he actually managed to get Wally into a judo hold, but the tough as nails pre-teen was able to reverse it, and before he passed out, Officer Smith grumbled, "maybe that Ranger job wasn't so bad..."

The only one left was an average looking African American cop. He glanced at each fallen officer carefully, then looked at his watch with false suprise. "You know what Chief, I think you ought to handle this. I'm taking five." Lou said quickly while fleeing the room.

"If I have to take you down myself then I will!" Joe exclaimed while reeving his wheelchair as if it were a race car.

"Slow down there! I'm not gonna fight a guy in a wheelchair!" Wally exclaimed. Chief Swanson came out swinging, flaying his fists after launching his wheelchair with a mighty heave. Our young hero was tossed into a wall. As he pulled himself out of the plaster, he grumbled "well, alright, maybe I will this one time. But don't tell my mom!"

"OF COURSE I'M GONNA TELL YOUR MOM, I'M A COP, REMEMBER!" Chief Swanson shouted, losing his temper.

"Well if you're a cop, WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO MURDER A SMALL CHILD!" Wally yelled back.

"I'M NOT TRYING TO..." Joe began to reply, when he looked down and noticed he was a twitch away from snapping Wally's neck. He immediately dropped the hero in shock. "Oh my god you're right!"

"Gotcha!" Wally exclaimed. "PSI ROCKIN' ALPHA!" he exclaimed while launching is ultimate attack. Joe closed his eyes and braced for the hit. When he opened them, he noticed he was completely unhurt.

"HA!, YOU MISSED ME!"

"Wasn't aiming for yeh," was Wally's smooth reply. He then pointed downward. Joe looked down, then shrieked in horror.

The target for the attack had been the wheel's on Joe's chair, and the psychic shock-wave completely shattered them, and since Joe is unable to move on his own power, the fight was essentially over.

"Well, it seems I've been beaten, and a deal's a deal." Chief Swanson replied while pulling a cellphone from his pocket. "This is the chief. In a little bit a kid in an orange hoodie named Wally is going to come through. Let him through the roadblocks... Yes...Yes, I know... JUST DO IT!" he put the phone away and turned to the victorious hero. "You're a lot stronger then me kid. You should join the force when you get old enough."

Wally just rolled his eyes and walked out. Joe was left alone, sprawled out on the floor for several minutes, before he called out "hello? Is anyone there? Hello?" Then all the lights in the building turned off. "Guys?"

Back to Wally. Our hero was standing outside the Police Station as Officer Lou locked it up. "Good thing you finished your business with the chief when you did, and not after we had locked up for the night." Lou stated.

"But what happens if a crime is commited at night?" Wally asked.

"No need to worry. If a criminal IS bold enough to strike in brood moonlight, our sophisticated, cutting edge crime surveillance system takes care of it. Good luck kid!" explained Wiggum explained as the cops went home and Wally began his trip to Twoson.

As the brave youth walked past the barriers, he mused to himself, "Why do I feel like I'm forgetting something..."

Back at the Police Station, "...Hello?...Guys? There's a really big spide and I can't move to squish it... Hello?"

* * *

Author's notes: Sorry about the massive delay on this one, because the police fight took me forever. If you are wondering how Ranger Smith caught Yogi Bear and became a police officer... then you'll just have to wait for a tie-in story that I will release at some point (but not after this story is done.) I invite my reader's to leave their predictions in the reviews section.

As for who the other cops are, Wiggum and Lou are from The Simpsons, Joe Swanson is from Family Guy, Harvey Bullock is based on his Batman: The Animated Series incarnation, and Officer Barbrady is from South Park.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Twoson Trials

By the time Wally arrived in the town of Twoson it was late in the morning. The young boy could do little but wander around in a lost daze, as he had no idea where to go. "Crud, I really wish I had some kind of map." he grumbled, not noticing the giant billboard with a town map on it behind him. "Maybe those guys can help me."

The two people in question were a boy and a girl about Wally's age standing outside the local Chaos Theater. The boy was short, skinny and had brown hair, while the girl had long, wavy black hair. Both were dressed in black suits, black hats and dark sunglasses. They were leaning against a bus-like vehicle that seemed to be scrapped together from random junk and household appliances. "Face it Lenny, we're stuck." the girl said to Lenny, who was pacing back and forth with an intense look of concentration on his face.

"No way Rocky, DUH won't, CAN'T end like this! We've got to find a way out of this debt!" Lenny exclaimed in response.

"We just need to wait for an opportunity to present itself," Rocky re-assured. She then grumbled. "I'd go in and 'negotiate' with our boss, but after that last negotiation he got that judge to put this ankle bracelet that shocks me when I go into his office..."

"That's because your idea of negotiating was to just punch the manager over and over!" yelled back Lenny.

"He was asking for it and you know it!" yelled back Rocky. Then she caught sight of Wally. "Hold that thought Lenny, I think that opportunity I just mentioned is heading our way!"

"Hey, you guys know where Kuki lives? It's really important that I talk to her." Wally asked the two traveling musicians.

Rocky giggled at that. "Oooohhhh, I get your drift. She lives down at the Sanban pre-school."

"OK, thanks!" Wally said quickly, but before he could leave, Lenny grabbed onto his shoulder. "Hey, if Kuki says yes..."

"And how could she not to a face like that," Rocky added.

"...bring her here and we'll give you two a free backstage pass for our show." Lenny concluded.

By now, Wally had started to catch their drift. "Listen here you... I'm not... she's not... AAHHH!" Wally stuttered before opting to simply run off.

"He is soooo coming back with Kuki." Rocky commented with a knowing grin.

"And maybe Kuki can bring us some publicity." Lenny added. "After all, the only people in Twoson more famous then DUH is Kuki Sanban, the psychic little girl."

A short run later, Wally stood outside a pre-school with the name SANBAN written in big letters across the roof. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, muttered "here goes nothing," and ran through the front door with his head held down. He kept on running until he slammed into someone much bigger then he is. Wally shook his head, then looked up to see a stern looking Asian male looking down at him with a combination of anger and shock. His mind going blank, Wally said the only thing he could think of. "Is Kuki home?"

"No! You are nothing but media vulture, just like the rest! Pestering my daughter all day for her psychic powers in a desperate attempt to boost ratings! The only one who may meet Kuki is the one named Wally Beatles!" Gaki Sanban exploded at Wally.

"...But I AM Wally Beatles" our hero said mildly while wringing his hands in a nervous manner.

"OH! You are the one from Kuki's dreams then! You two are destined to save the world!" Mr. Sanban exclaimed, completely changing tone. "I'll go get Kuki now!" He then ran up the stairs to what is presumably Kuki's room.

Wally began to blush and grin as soon as Mr. Sanban was gone. "Heh-heh. Kuki's having dreams about me." he thought to himself. His good mood was shattered when Kani ran down the stairs with a frantic expression.

"KUKI'S GONE!" he exclaimed. "MY BELOVED PSYCHIC DAUGHTER IS GONE! SHE LEFT WITHOUT TAKING ONE RAINBOW MONKEY, SO SHE MUST HAVE BEEN KIDNAPPED!" he screamed in a frantic voice, causing all the small toddlers still in the pre-school began screaming as well. "WALLY, YOU MUST SAVE KUKI! IF YOU CAN, I'LL... I'LL..." Mr. Sanban began to stutter. Whatever he was trying to say was clearly not easy. "I'LL LET HER DATE YOU!"

"FOR THE LAST CRUDDY TIME, I AM NOT TRYING TO ASK KUKI OUT!" Wally yelled, then realized the room had fallen silent and that everyone was staring at him. "So...uh, any ideas who it might have been?"

"Well, Burglin Park is always full of suspicious people..." Mr. Sanban said slowly, the need for rational thought snapping him from his blind panic.

"Well those suspicious people better be ready to have the daylights beat out of 'em! !" yelled Wally as he charged out the front door with his bat held high. Mr. Sanban burst out a few seconds later.

"Good luck little boy. While you battle the dangerous criminals of Burglin Park, I will do my part by shaking down random pedestrians for information!" Kani Sanban yelled after Wally. He then noticed a 'suspicious individual' a few feet away. "HEY! YOU WITH THE BABY! WHERE'S KUKI!"

Wally kepta charging, his lack of knowledge about the cities layout impeding him once more. His charge came to a sudden halt however, when he smashed headlong into a large sign. Wally shoke himself off, then read the sign. "Burglin Park!" Wally exclaimed. "Alright criminals, prepare to get beat down!"

When Wally entered the park, everyone was hiding behind their stands. Wally walked cautiously down the trail, towards a small little cottage at the end of the park, unaware that he was being watched. Suddenly, Wally heard a mocking laugh break out from the small house's roof.

"So, word on the street is that you've been sticking your nose were it don't belong." came a voice speaking in a heavy Jersey accent. (the classic Jersey accent, not the obnoxious modern kind) Suddenly, a brown furred anthropomorphic weasel in a light pink and white zoot suit landed in front of our hero. "The name's Wise Guy, and I'm the boss of Burglin Park. If you wanna convert about Kuki, it'll have to wait until we've locked horns!"

Wise Guy attacked! Wise Guy knitted it's brow! (oh, so I'm an "it" now aren't I?)

"Get ready to be beat down by the ultimate weapon that I found in a garbage can! Behold... THE RULER!" Wally exclaimed while pulling a standard one foot ruler out of his hoodie pocket. Now he can measure things accurately! "...really?"

"Dance yeh mug!" Wise guys shouted while pulling out a revolver and leveling it at Wally.

"Tap or Mambo?" Wally asked with a pair of tap dancing shoes in one hand and a fruit hat in the other. Wise Guy opened fire at Wally's feet, causing him to jump back and forth in a comidic manner... until the crime boss ran out of bullets. (All six of them)

"Aw crud." the weasel muttered as the shadow from Wally's bat got bigger and bigger, until it SMAAAASHED! the wacky weasel across the face, turning him back to normal.

"Well, you beat me kid. Truth is, I actually spruced my knee when I jumped from the roof." Wise Guy spoke. "I wasn't involved with the Sanban kidnapping, but I know it was carried out by two boys: one in a mask and one who was really chubby. Last I heard, they were taking her to Peaceful Rest Valley."

"Then to Peaceful Rest Valley I go!"

* * *

Author's notes: In an attempt to make up for my long absence, I doubled my efforts and got this one out for all my lucky fans. But more importantly, this chapter is a shout-out of sorts to my good friend and fellow Fanfiction writer, Cartunelover17. Rocky, Lenny, and the other, yet to be seen, members of the band DUH are her creations, and I advise you to go read her stories and check out her fanart.

Wise Guy (originally Smart Ass) is the leader of the Toon Patrol weasels from Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, one of the coolest movies ever. And no, those aren't typos. That is actually how he talks.

And yes, in Earthbound you can actually buy or find rulers. Using it in battle will allow you to "measure things more accurately." It's just that weird.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Fourth Walls fall, and Peaceful Rest Valley.

Disclaimer: Upcoming chapter contains blatant breaking of the Fourth Wall! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

As Wally exited Burglin Park, he was determined to reach Peaceful Rest Valley and rescue Kuki! "And it's NOT because I like her!" he raged to the world. "Hey, what is that...?" he questioned as he noticed a gleam on the horizon. Then, out of nowhere, a triumphant orchestra began playing, and a glorious blast of light blinded everyone! Then, a thundering crash was heard, aannnndddddd... THE WRITER APPEARED!

A mildly scruffy looking (but in a cool way) young man with thick brown (and awesome) hair and (irresistible) green eyes skidded to a halt, still working off the velocity and acceleration needed to puncture the Fourth Wall and enter the world of Fan Fiction. "I didn't want to have to do this..." I mused to myself, "but I have no other choice, least I be torn limb from limb by rabid 3/4 fangirls who wish to see Wally and Kuki meet already! (Don't worry though, I still love you.)

"Wally, you must..." It was then that I noticed my glorious entrance, and flying shoe to the head, had knocked the hero of my story unconscious. Crud. So, I pulled out a pen and some paper, then scribbled: Wally, if you wish to progress, you must visit Hoagie Gilligan (playing the Apple Kid) and invest in his inventions, otherwise you're done for. Don't bother wasting time with the Orange Kid for two reasons. 1. His inventions are completely useless, and 2. I couldn't think of anyone to play him. This, I command of you!

Signed, your beloved author,

Trickquestion.

P.S. Bring some sort of snack.

The note finished, I retrieved some duct tape from Tapespace(TM) and tapped it to Wally's forehead. Just as I was about to leave, The New Age Retro Hippie appeared.

"What's up bro? Have you decided who's gonna play me?" he rambled. "Cause, you know, we're all being played by someone, you dig? In the grand cosmic puppet show, we all have a part and lines and costumes and scenes and bullhorns..."

I quickly grew weary of this ranting, so I drew the Memory Eraser Device Wand Thing from Men In Black, Men in Black 2, and Black in Men (the Bizarro World version) and erased the New Age Retro Hippie's memory. Then, I zapped him a few more times for good measure.

"OK, now that I have ensured one of this game's most popular enemies has appeared, I MUST VANISH!" I then drew a black cloak around from Cloakspace(also TM'd) and disappeared in a swirling twist of dark swirliness.

A few minutes later, Wally woke up. "What the...?" he asked himself as he read the note. Yet however little sense the strange scribbling made, he felt compelled to obey its commands, lest he be thrown into the Pit of Ten Thousand Papercuts.

After a short walk, Wally arrived outside of a house. "Residence of Twoson's Number 2 inventor, the Blueberry Kid. Well, let's see what he's got." The hero read, then entered the residence.

The inside of the house was a mess. Various bits of scrap metal, crumbled blueprints and leftovers were scattered across the floor. In the far corner of the room, a chubby kid wearing a blue flight jacket sat hunched over a desk covered in blueprints, constantly making changes and improvements. "Hey, are you the Blueberry Kid?" Wally asked. "I was told you would help me out." Wally asked.

The first response he got was a growling stomach. "I've worked myself to exhaustion all night, and now I'm famished. Do you have any food you would share with me?" he asked in a hungray voice.

"Well, I got this chilli dog. Do you like chilli dogs?" Wally asked while offering the Blueberry Kid an old, damp, and partially green chilli dog.

"Do I ever!" The Blueberry Kid replied while grabbing the moldy food and scarfing it down. "By the way, my name's Hoagie Gilligan. You look like you're on some kind of important journey, and need the help of a technological genius such as myself, the Blueberry Kid." Hoagie said while occasionally glancing down at a script. He then muttered. "Who writes this junk?"

"According to this note I found taped to my forehead, I do." Wally replied.

"I don't have anything for you at the moment, but if you could lend me some cash to buy supplies with, I'm sure I could build something."

"Will this do?" Wally asked while pulling a sizable chunk of change from his pocket. "Since I've started beating up everyone who looks at me funny, I have more cash then I know what to do with."

"Ohhhhh yeah, this will be more then enough. I'll need some time to work out an invention, so you should just continue with your journey for now." Hoagie replied, then returned to work with renewed vigor. As Wally was walking out, a hamster crawled out of the perma-crud floor coating. He jabbered at Wally in hamster-ise.

"No problem!" Wally replied after the hamster gabbered some stuff in Hamsterese. It then pulled a can of soda out from underneath a discarded blueprint. "For me?" Wally asked while pointing to himself. The hamster nodded. "Don't mind if I do." When the hero went to grab the can however, the hamster snapped the can open and sent the shaken contents into Wally's face. "Why you little!" Wally yelled and chased after the small rodent, which dove into the safety of its master's arms.

"Oh, don't mind him. Li'l Hoagie can be mischievous, but he means well." Gilligan told Wally as he put the hamster back in its container. "That reminds me, take this with you." he added while giving Wally a radio receiver built from a pipe and a few pieces of junked electronics.. "I'll call you when I invent something."

"Got it." Wally replied while glaring at the hamster, who was smirking at the hero from inside his wheel. Then, Wally started to smirk. He turned his back to the hamster, and turned around wearing a frightening green mask with crazy eyes and a bulging nose. "AH BUGGA BUGGA BUGGA!" he shouted, and the hamster shrieked in fear, and began fleeing in terror, forgetting it was on a hamster wheel and couldn't go anywhere.

Wally began his trek to Peaceful Rest Valley whistling, but his meery stroll was brought to a halt when he walked into "A giant metal pencil?" he asked himself. He rubbed his eyes to make sure he was seeing straight, and lol and behold, it was still there. The unusual thing about this obstacle is not its shape, but rather the way it's placed.

Although the giant iron eraser is placed in the dead-centar of the road, there is actually plenty of space to step around it. "Huh. This thing would pose some real problems if I was in a 16-Bit video game or something. But since I'm not, I will simply step around it." And so he did. "Peaceful Rest Valley, here I come!"

2 Minutes Later...

A ragged looking Wally was panting heavily and sweating up a storm, his clothes were torn in numerous places and his bat looked ready to shatter. "I hate this place!" he muttered in a nasily voice. So far he had been shot at, crushed, zapped, and hit with cold-inducing lasers. "Aw crud, here come more of 'em!"

The Jackbot and its cohorts attacked! Wally stood face to face with two strange, floating robots. Their armor was a rusty bronze, and some black markings game their design a far Eastern feel. There were two of them floating in front of a malicious looking, walking tree.

"I don't have time for this. PSI ROCKIN' ALPHA!" Wally yelled, and unleashed his strongest attack. The Jackbots were instantly reduced to scrap, and the Malicious Looking Tree was on its last limb, if I may go out on a branch and say so. Wally rushed forward and SMAAASHED! his bat into the withered willow. The tree began to smirk evilly, and waved on of its branchs/limbs at our hero in a gesture of farewell. "...Crud. I KNEW it was the trees tha"

BBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM!

The Malicious Looking Tree burst into flames, and the force of the blast hurled Wally high into the air, then sent him crashing to the ground at the far end of Peaceful Rest Valley. When our hero finally awoke, he saw that he had landed in front of a run-down little cabin near a bubbling brook. Slowly opening the door, Wally was greeted by the sound of sobing. The cabin was actually a prison cell, and Kuki Sanban was behind the bars.

"Uh... are you the one from my dreams? I mean, ah, the ones where you were calling for help and uh... crud." Wally asked, only to stutter with embarrassment when his mind fully processed what exited his mouth.

Kuki held back her crying and looked up at Wally. "You... you're Wally, aren't you. I knew you would come and save me." Kuki replied, a small smile gracing her face. "You'll need the key held by David Blaine to unlock this door. Be careful though, 'cause he can control lighting!"

"HA'H! I'm not scared of no cruddy lighting! I'll show this "David Blaine" some real lighting when I hit him with the old three-four!" Wally replied haughtly while throwing a mock punch with each fist.

This made Kuki giggle. "Still, you should probably take this. It'll deflect any electrical attack." Kuki said while handing the hero a round badge with a lighting bolt symbol on it. "I got it from a friend back in Twoson named Franklin."

Kids Next Door: B.A.D.G.E.

Basic

Attachment

Deflects

Grievous

Energies.

Wally pinned the B.A.D.G.E. onto his hoodie. "Don't worry Kuki, I'll have that key before you know it!" He then marched out the door with a determined look in his eyes.

"My hero..." Kuki thought to herself after the door slammed shut.

* * *

Author's notes: Yeah, this one is strange, I know. Updates should be a lot more frequent from now own.

This isn't exactly related to the story, but did anyone see the recent episodes of South Park (where Cartman teams up with Cthullhu) and think of Pokey Minch joining Giygas?


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 7: Cartman Returns and Stuff is Lost in Translation.

As Wally left the prison with the B.A.D.G.E. pinned across his heart, he ran into his old frienemy: Eric Cartman.

"Well, well well. If it isn't stupid old Wally Beatles, coming here just to bug me." Cartman mocked. An adult with shaved hair, stainless white shirt, black pants and a blank facial expression stood on either side of the pudgy kid, while a Murkrow sat on his shoulder. "From now on, you can just call me Master Cartman, because David Blaine made me an important person in Blaintology. And losers like you can't join!"

"I'm taking this hokey religion you've joined down one way or the other! So either fight me or just get out of my way!" Wally replied defiantly.

Cartman seemed shaken by Wally's defiance. "You... you really don't want to join Blaintology? But... David Blaine speaks the truth." He then became angry. "Well fine then! If you don't wanna be a part of the great new world David Blaine is gonna build, then you can just not go to heaven!"

"Bring it on chubby!" Wally challenged back.

"Oh, I'm not going to fight you," Cartman said back in a nasally whine, "but these guys will!" he finished while pointing at Wally. "Break that BLEEPhole's legs!" The Murkrow took flight and attacked Wally along with its Insane Cultists cohorts.

Wally raised his bat, but the Murkrow moved too quickly and began pecking at his eyes. By the time he had knocked the Flying-type away with a wild swing, the two cultists had closed in on him. Insane Cultist A pulled a chain of hanker chiefs from his sleeve and used it to trip Wally, while Insane Cultist B pulled a playing card out from behind his ear and gave Wally a paper cut with it.

"Gah, these guys are tougher then they look!" Wally grunted while gripping his paper cut elbow. "PSI Rockin' Alpha!" he yelled, and the psychic blast knocked away the Insane Cultists and finished off the Murkrow. "PSI LifeUp Alpha!"

"Urgh, I knew I should have sprung for the deluxe magic kit." one of the cultists muttered a few seconds before Wally hit him in the head with a SMAAASH! The blow had enough force to knock him into his accomplice and take him out as well, winning Wally the battle!

"Now, to get that key!" Wally spoke once he realized Cartman had slipped away in all the fighting. He entered a cave to the north, and after several minutes of walking, exited the underground path and came into the strangest village ever.

Everything was bleched stark white, and Insane Cultists were wandering around quietly chanting "Blaine Blaine." As Wally began to walk towards the largest building in the town, he mused "there's something funny going on here" to himself, until he was knocked from his daze by a mime that had wandered into his path. With a groan, Wally added "and it certainly isn't him."

The Mime was dressed in standard Mime garb, with the addition of a striped scarf and a small, round hat. In a smooth and silent motion, Le Mime grabbed his hat by the brim, flipped it off his head and held it in front of Wally. "Oh I get it. You're part of the cult and want a donation!"

Le Mime grinned happily and nodded his head. "Well T-O-O BAD!" Wally yelled back. As he began to walk away, Le Mime mimed pulling up his sleeves with an angry expression. He then "twirled" a "lasso" over his head and "tossed" it at Wally. "What the?" he exclaimed with surprise as his arms snapped to his sides as if he'd been caught by an actual rope. Le Mime pulled on the invisible lasso, drawing Wally back to where he was standing, and returned his hat to the panhandling position.

"OK bub, you asked for it!" Wally yelled while charging at Le Mime with his bat held high. His opponent, however, charged at him with the exact same form. When they collided, both were knocked an equal distance away from one another and both lost an equal number of HP! (not that it matters.)

Wally began to circle his enemy with his fists up, but Le Mime only copied his every move. Suddenly, Wally had an idea! "Hey French Fry, here's one move I'm SURE you can't copy!" he declared while setting his bat down and holding his hands out. "PSI ROCKIN' ALPHA!"

Although Le Mime did indeed mirror the boy's movements perfectly, his inability to speak prevented the attack from being perfectly copied, and the PSI pyrotechnics knocked the silent antagonist down on his butt. He lifted a miniature white flag, A.K.A the French flag (just kidding France) and waved it in a sign of surrender.

As Wally began walking away, a postcard, apparently dropped by Le Mime, floated down into his hands. He looked at it and frowned. "Jeez, who would even want to live there, let alone visit." He continued on his way after tossing the depressing postcard onto the defeated Mime.

Wally finally reached the largest building in town, and noticed a cow with a sheet over its head grazing outside. "David Blaine made me invisible." Wally "heard" it say using his PSI, "but I don't really mind." Our hero just rolled his eyes and entered the building.

Once inside, Wally came face to face with an entire horde of cultists, all standing in a mass, chanting "Blaine, Blaine" over and over. Strangely enough, one person was clad in entirely blue sheets and a matching mask with two "H"s side by side, with a little plush ball attached to the hood. As Wally easily slipped through the crowd due to his child stature (lack of sprite limitations once again prevailing) he heard the odd man out mutter "Darn it, wrong story," while a second, more normally dressed (for a cult member) Blaintologist muttered "Mel Mel... I'm still new at this..." and a third person was trying to whistle his chant.

Finally reaching the other side of the room, he passed a secratary who screamed when he saw Wally (because he didn't know what else to do), our hero arrived in the inner sanctum of David Blaine.

The master of the cult stood in front of the same statue Wally had been told of by Eddy: The Evil Mandy-Mandy Statue. It glittered with malevolence as our hero demanded Kuki be set free "or I'll hit you so hard you'll be drinking through a straw for the rest of your life!"

"Foolish boy, you think your parlor trick PSI and that dinky old bat can defeat me? My following will be recognized as a church, or we shall sacrifice ourselves at the foot of the Lincoln Memorial, starting with our new "High Priestess" Kuki Sanban." David Blaine spoke condescendingly towards Wally. "Now, observe the power that brought down my enemies. CRASHING BOOM BANG!" he exclaimed, and powerful bolts of lighting fell from the ceiling(?) and attempted to strike Wally.

When they struck the hero, however, something strange happened. The B.A.D.G.E. on Wally's chest began to glow the same color as the lighting, and the bolts of electricity lepta from Wally and struck the deranged David Blaine! "HA! Seems loike I got a few tricks of my own. Let's go magic boy!" our hero challenged.

"Yes, let's." Blaine replied. The magician whipped out a cloth sheet, and when Wally got close enough, he tossed it over the boy, then pulled it back, revealing the hero was gone!

On the other side of the room, Wally fell with a yell (hey that rhymed) from a nearby closet, having apparently re-appeared there. David Blaine then removed a deck of cards from his pocket, shuffled it a few times, and drew a card off the top. "Now I want you to memorize this card. Remember every detail." Wally was mesmerized by the magic trick, and could only nod dumbly.

Blaine shuffled the card (a Jack of Clubs) back into the deck, then with a wave of his hand, the entire deck levitated in mid-air, every card floating free and with the faces still hidden. With another wave of his hand, the magician sent the storm of potently paper-cuts flying towards Wally. "oh crud. PSI ROCKIN' ALPHA!" he exclaimed when he finally realized he was in danger. The psychic shock-wave annihilated the storm of cards, but didn't even scratch Blaine himself.

"Now look in your hoodie pocket." Blaine said calmly. Wally did so, and found that the Jack of Clubs David had showed him had not been in the paper storm, but had somehow gotten into his pocket. Before Wally could voice his amazement however, the card began to glow with a crimson-yellow shine. It suddenly detonated in a magical blast that knocked the blond boy across the room.

Our hero would not be beaten so easily however. "PSI LifeUp Alpha." was used to restore some of his lost strength as he pulled himself off of the ground. He suffered another blow however, when David Blaine exploited his weakness and kicked him in the head before he was even back on his feat. "This has gone on long enough." The magician declared, as he readied a smoke pellet. "Once I finish you off, I will order my followers to begin sacrificing themselves until the government recognizes us as an official religion, starting with Kuki."

Teetering on the edge of defeat, Wally felt something welling up inside him, a sort of hidden strength taking form inside his very soul. He knew he would have to use it to defeat Blaine now, or Kuki would end up sacrificed. "PSI..." he struggled to say. "FLASH ALPHA!" His new power unleashed a glittering blast of glorious light, blinding all you gaze upon it with evil in their hearts.

"MY EYES!" Blaine yelled in pain, no longer able to see anything but dizzying white light. In his panic, he forgot about Wally's B.A.D.G.E. "CRASHING BOOM BANG!" the lighting once again arced towards the boy, and once again it reflected back and struck the one who cast it.

"Only got enough strength left for one more attack. Got to end it now." Wally thought while charging ahead with his bat. He slammed the wooden weapon right between Blaine's eyes, and with a SMAAAASH! sent the magician crashing into the Evil Mandy-Mandy Statue, and both agents of evil crashed to the floor.

"Now, I'm gonna ask you one more time." Wally said with determination. "May I have the key please?" The defeated cult leader dropped it into Wally's out-held hands without a word.

After a long, sore walk back to Kuki's prison, Wally removed the key from his pocket and unlocked the jail cell door. "Well, you're...uh, free to go, I suppose..." Wally stuttered out, not sure what to say.

"I never doubted you'd succeed Wally. Now let's go back to Twoson, everyone must be worried sick about me." Kuki replied with a warm grin as she left the cell. "Oh, almost forgot to bring my Rainbow Monkey! He did such a good job of keeping me company while I was locked up!"

Wally looked down at the plush toy with disdain. "Great, she's a cruddy Rainbow Dorkie lover." he grumbled.

As half of the Choosen Four exit the cottage prison, a familiar fat kid runs up to Wally. "Wally, I was trapped in a nightmare and finally woke up! It wasn't my fault, it was everyone else's!" Cartman exclaimed in an obviously fake panic. "You believe me, right Wally? You'll tell everyone (especially the cops) that I, Cartman, pinnacle of goodness, never wanted to do anything bad?"

"Wally, why is that pig wearing clothes, and how can it talk?" Kuki asked in a hushed voice.

"I'll explain later." Wally replied with a groan. "Yeah, sure. Whatever Cartman. Just go back home and quit getting in my way already!"

"You mean it? Thanks buddy!" Cartman replied insincerely, and began walking away. Once he was a safe distance away, he spun around and yelled "HA, fooled you loser! You're so stupid Wally, it's amazing you can tie your shoes!"

"DON'T TALK TO ABOUT WALLY LIKE THAT YOU MEAN PIG IN HUMAN CLOTHING!" Kuki yelled while her eyes got all fiery. She then raced after Cartman and delivered a punishing blow over his head whenever she got close enough, which because of Cartman's short, stubby legs, was quite often. As Wally watched his new friends pummel his old neighbor senseless, he had only one thought.

"Maybe this won't be that bad after all."

* * *

Author's Notes: Le Mime was from the second episode of Xiaolin Showdown, and was playing a cultist who would ask you for a donation, then follow you around non-stop if you didn't giver anything. If you do give something, you'll get a depressing postcard.

David Blaine and the Blaintologists are playing Carpainter and the Happy Happy Cult respectively, and are from the South Park episode Super Best Friends, which is one of my personal favorites.

Since Happy Happy Village has more differences between the Japanese original and the English translation version of Earthbound then anywhere else in the game, I included several little "translation errors" to temper the experience for us delicate American viewers.

Blaintology and David Blaine were originally Mel Gibson and the Mel Gibson fanclub from a different South Park episode, but due to heavy anti-Semitic elements, the Scientology inspired David Blaine cult was used instead.

Cartman's "don't go to heaven!" line was actually spoken by a Happy Happyist in Earthound.

Finally, David Blaine's line "that brought down my enemies" was originally "that brought down Jesus" (something Blaine's magic tricks actually did on South Park) but was changed to avoid offending Christians.

Read and Review!


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: Live at the Chaos Theater!

When Wally and Kuki arrived back in Twoson, both were weary and out of breath. "Huh...huh...I never...saw a pig... run that fast." Kuki said in between gulps of air. The recently freed psychic had chased Cartman all the way through Peaceful Rest Valley, and both she and Wally (who had just been trying to keep up) were terribly out of breath.

"Well, we should probably get you home." Wally spoke up once his breath returned. "Everyone really misses you..."

"OK!" Kuki squealed happily, and began to skip merrily down the street towards her home. Wally followed behind with his hands in his pockets, trying to look tough. When the duo reached Sanban Pre-School, Kuki was nearly crushed by the wave of people overjoyed to have her back. The happy pre-schoolers were pushed away by Kuki's parents, who embraced their now safe daughter in a teary, back-breaking hug.

"Oh Kuki, we're so glad you've come home safe!" Kani exclaimed.

"I never would have been able to get free if it wasn't for Wally!" Kuki replied. "That reminds me, I have to leave again. Me and Wally have to go on a long, dangerous journey across the world. But don't worry, we'll meet two more boys along the way, so I'm sure the three of them will keep me safe."

Kuki's parents looked flabbergasted, and Wally was holding his face in a way that suggested he knew he wasn't leaving this pre-school alive.

"ABSOLUTLY NO-" Genki began to yell, but her rant was cut off by Kani holding his hand up for silence.

"Kuki, are you sure this is what you need to do?" he asked in a serious tone.

"Well yah dad. It's only the fate of the world at stake, silly." Kuki answered in her typical cherry voice

"Very well. Wally! I am entrusting you with my daughter's safety. Keep her, and the rest of the world safe on your journey." He then noticed his wife had a shocked expression on her face. "Genki, ever since our daughter discovered her psychic abilities, we've known she had a greater purpose in life. Keeping her here will only put her and everyone else on earth in greater danger."

Kuki's mother swallowed back a tear, then nodded. She then walked into the other room, and came back with a old looking frying pan. "Kuki, when I was young, my mother gave me this frying pan. Back when many suitors sought my hand in marriage, this also helped me keep them away. Your father got himself put in the hospital at least five times before we went on our first date. Use it well." She said while passing the Ancient Pan down to her daughter.

Kuki tested the frying pan's weight, then set it down next to the Rainbow Monkey she brought from the cabin prison. "Well, it's not as nice as a Rainbow Monkey, but I'll keep it safe!" she said. "Well, I should probably get going now..."

"Just remember Kuki. Me and your mother are always proud of you." Kani spoke as his daughter left the pre-school with Wally. As soon as the door closed, Mr. and Mrs. grabbed each other, sunk to their knees and began sobbing.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE KUKI'S GONE!" Genki cried.

"I KNOW! I WOULD HAVE GONE WITH HER, BUT THE POLICE PUT THIS SHOCK BRACELET ACROSS MY ANKLE AFTER I BEAT UP THAT BABY!"

Wally and Kuki stood together outside the Sanban pre-school, wondering what to do next. Wally had the nagging feeling he had forgotten something, but his thinking was suddenly interrupted by an anthropomorphic dark furred weasel wearing a green zoot suit. "Get your butt down to Burglin Park. Wise Guy wants to talk to you, si senor?" Greasy spoke with a heavy Puerto Rican accent before swaggering away.

"Not this guy again..." Wally moaned.

"Mr. Wise Guy isn't so bad Wally. He only crushes people he really respects!" Kuki encouraged, and the two set off for the crime boss's headquarters. After a quick walk, the two enter the weasel's house, which is full of gigantic, lumpy sacks. "This bean bags are really comfortable!" the psychic girl stated after sitting down on one.

"I feel like I'm commiting a crime just walking in here..." Wally muttered.

"I was goin' tah ask yah to be my partner, but I know you'd refuse. It's written all over yeh face." Wise Guy spoke. He then reached inside his suit pocket and removed a wad of cash. "If you'd joined me I was gonna give you some cash, but since you saved Kuki, I figured you should take this. Take it! You can't refuse my generosity!" he then shoved the sum into Wally's hands and pushed the two out the door.

Before either of them could celebrate their good fortune, a young newspaper peddler with brown hair ran up, shoved a newspaper at them and yelled "EXTRA, EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT! FIRST BANK OF TWOSON ROBBED OF 50,000 DOLLARS! SUSPECT STILL ON THE LOOSE!" in an extremely loud voice. He then ran off to warn more people.

"Hey Kuki, how much money did Wise Guy give us again?" Wally asked. Kuki finished counting the money about a minute later.

"$50,000. Exactly." Kuki replied. Wally sighed in an annoyed tone.

"OK, so now we have a small fortune in stolen money. As long as we don't spend it, we should be fine." he said after a minute of thought.

"Awww, I was hoping we could buy tickets to the DUH concert with the money." Kuki moaned.

"Did you say DUH? They're the band currently stuck at the Chaos Theater by an unfair debt, right?" Wally asked. Kuki nodded in response. Wally thought for a minute. "I've got it! We take this stolen money... AND DUMP IT ON AN UNSUSPECTING SHLUB!"

"Wally, you're a genuis!" Kuki replied.

Several minutes later, the two approached the Chaos Theater and spoke to the lead singer of DUH, Rocky. "Hey, if it isn't Wally again! And I see you brought Kuki with you *wink wink*. Well, as promised, here are two backstage passes and tickets to our next show." she spoke while handing the tickets and passes to Wally. "Which starts in... ten minutes. Come see us after the show!" The performers headed inside, followed by the two children.

The singers went backstage to prepare with the rest of the band, while Wally and Kuki headed for the officer labeled MANAGER. Getting no response when they knocked, Wally slowly pushed open the door and peeked inside. What he saw... disturbed him.

"Yeah, yeah, Chump it you Chimp!" exclaimed a tall, stocky teenager playing an arcade game named CHIMP CHUMP. "This game is even funner knowing that I bought it with the money I scammed from DUH!"

"Uh, Boog, don't you mean the money I scammed from DUH?" asked an African American teen from a hammock across the room. "I was the one who wrote the contract and got the restraining order placed against the DUH singer who beat you up."

"Details Lenny, details. You got your hammock, didn't you?" Boog replied. Then the screen began to flash. "OH YEAH! HIGH SCORE! Do the Boogie, do the Boogie..."

"I think we should come back after the show..." Wally muttered. Kuki nodded in agreement, and the two slipped away into the audience.

As they began searching for seats, a slightly crazy looking woman with shoulder length blond hair noticed their backstage passes. "Oh my gosh, you two have backstage passes for DUH! TAKE ME WITH YOU!" Miss Information gushed. "I can pretend to be your older cousin! I HAVE TO GET LENNY'S AUTOGRAPH!"

Wally and Kuki looked at each-other with scared expressions. "Alright, let's just back away slowly towards the door, don't make eye contact..." Wally said slowly.

"GREAT LET'S GO!" the crazy fan exclaimed while grabbing the two children by the wrist. Running fast enough to give the two whiplash, she charged towards the door. She smashed the backstage passes into the guards eyes and busted down the door. Once backstage, Miss Information dumped her "cousins" to the floor and ran towards Lenny to earn a restraining order.

Rocky strolled over and helped her new friends off the floor. "She got you too didn't she?"

"Yeah, sorry about that." Kuki said in response.

"No worries. She's found a way backstage before every show we've had here." Rocky replied. "The Chloroform certainly takes a bite out of our paycheck though..."

"Yeah, well, you guys aren't gonna hafta worry about money problems for much longer." Wally said while reaching into his pocket. "Because once the show is over, I'm gonna repay your debt with this!" he finished while pulling the wad of cash out.

Rocky's eyes lit up at the sight of her band's salvation. "Wally, you're a hero!" Her tone then became inquisitive. "Say, wasn't the bank just robbed of that exact amount of money?"

"DON"T ASK QUESTIONS YOU'RE NOT PREPARED TO HEAR THE ANSWEARS TO!" Kuki suddenly raged, shaking Rocky by the collar as her eyes burned with flames.

"OK, so we'll wait for the show to start outside, okay?" Wally said sheepishly. He then grabbed Kuki and rushed out.

"Saved by a bank robber. I never thought it would come to this..."

Leaving DUH to subdue their crazed fan, Wally and Kuki took their seats and waited for the show to begin.

Finally, the curtains rolled away and there stood the band itself, Rocky a bit nearer on the edge of the stage than all the others. All wearing black suits and black hats as well as black shades, they took their bow to the applauding audience before getting right to work. Suddenly, Rocky turned and caught Wally's eye. She gave him a friendly wave before returning to her post.

Wally couldn't help but wave, a goofy smile on his face. He didn't notice the annoyed look on Kuki's face.

Finally, the band played and the music blaired through the room. While the five band members played, Rocky had no instrument. Instead, she danced.

And she sang.

So tired of broken hearts and losing at this game  
Before I start this dance  
I take a chance in telling you  
I want more than just romance

That last word caught Wally's attention even more and he was leaning forward in his seat, wanting to hear Rocky even better. He watched as Rocky twirled around in her suit, acting like the care-free girl everyone knew she was.

She was very pretty, Wally knew. He watched as she sang and dance. Kuki, however, just huffed and sat back in her seat, arms folded.

You are my destiny, I can't let go baby can't you see  
Cupid please take your aim at me

"Cherish the thought," the other band members sang as they played their instruments.

"Of always having you here by my side," Rocky sang aloud. "Oh, baby I..."

Cherish the joy  
You keep bringing it into my life (I'm always singing it)  
Cherish your strength  
You got the power to make me feel good (and baby I)  
Perish the thought  
Of ever leaving, I never would

Wally noticed she was reaching for the buttons of her shirt. His eyes widened when she immediately ripped her clothes off...to reveal herself in a sparkling pink sequin dress. His eyes were wide as dinner plates as she sparkled in the stage lights, pleasing that now roaring crowd. Kuki was fuming right now.

I was never satisfied with casual encounters  
I can't hide my need for two hearts that bleed with burning love  
That's the way it's got to be  
Romeo and Juliet, they never felt this way I bet  
So don't underestimate my point of view

Who? You! Can't get away I won't let you  
Who? You! I could never forget to  
Cherish is the word I use to remind me of your love

"Your love..." Rocky sang aloud as she gave a twirl while ditching her glasses and hat. She threw her hat to the audience, which Wally caught, of course.

Romeo and Juliet, they never felt this way I bet  
So don't underestimate my point of view

Who? You! Can't get away I won't let you  
Who? You! I could never forget to  
Cherish is the word I use to remind me of your love

"Burning love..." Rocky said in a sensual voice, offering her hand to the audience.

Kuki caught Wally emerging from his seat, reaching his hand out towards Rocky, as if hoping to hold it. Kuki immediately grabbed him by the back of his shirt and forced him back in his seat, but that didn't stop the goofy, lovesick expression on his face as he watched rocky sing the last notes.

Give me faith give me joy, my boy  
I will always cherish you

"You..." Rocky sang in a sweet, harmonic voice before flipping her long black hair in conclusion.

The curtains fell and the lights returned to normal. Wally was red-faced and unnerved, while Kuki just seemed annoyed. "That was... nice." he said slowly.

"Let's just go fix their debt problem so they can leave town." Kuki said in an mildly disgusted tone.

A few minutes later, Wally and Kuki stood in front of Boog, the owner of the Chaos Theater.

"You little squirts are kidding, right? You really think small frys like you got enough molla to free DUH?" he said in a mocking tone.

"We may not be that old, but we mean serious business. Wally, show him the goods." Kuki replied.

Wally stepped forward and revealed the cash. "I reckon this little wad of totally not stolen chump change should be enough to seal the deal."

Boog's eyes widened at the sight of the money. "You kids might be small, but you're the real deal!" he exclaimed while grabbing the money. "Mother always told me that being a dirty, greedy blackmailer would never get me anywhere, but now my wallet is as fat as my head. Well, a deal's a deal. DUH is free to go!"

The now debt free members of DUH suddenly burst through the door, but stopped when the shock bracelet zapped the crud out of Rocky. "The restraining order still stands though." Boog added smugly. Rocky seemed ready to rush in and clobber the teen, but Wally walked up and whispered something to her that immediately calmed the child singer down. DUH and their new friends left the office without incident.

Once they were outside, Rocky turned to her new friends. "So, where are you two headed?" she asked a happy looking Wally and an annoyed looking Kuki.

"Well, my psychic senses tell me the TWO of us need to go to Threed, where we'll meet a new friend." Kuki said aggressively.

"Me and DUH are driving to Fourside for our next gig, we'll give you a lift: Threed is right on the way." the singer replied.

Wally was about to agree, when Kuki cut him off. "No no, I'm sure we'll be fine on OUR OWN."

"So you figured a way to get past the ghosts?" Rocky asked.

"The, ghosts?" Kuki asked back in a surprised/frightened voice.

"Yeah, a bunch of ghosts have been haunting the Twoson/Threed tunnel. Our upbeat music can repel them, but if you can get past them yourselves, go ahead." Rocky answered.

"Uh... well, I suppose, if you're sure you've got enough room on the bus..." Kuki replied nervously while gesturing to their tour bus, which seemed to be scrapped together from junk. She then noticed Wally returning from some unknown errand. "And where have YOU been?" she asked accusingly.

"Oh, I just tipped off the police about where the stolen $50,000 dollars are. We should leave before the cops show up." he spoke with a grin on his face.

"In that case, let's get on the bus!" Rocky replied, and DUH, Wally, and a sour looking Kuki got on the bus. "Outta my way sidewalk!" she yelled while putting the pedal to the metal. Wally and Kuki were sitting at the back of the bus, looking out the rear window. Just before the bus rounded a corner, they saw a bunch of police cruisers roll up to the theater.

"Well, I may not like that Rocky floozy." Kuki thought to herself, "but at least that yokuba Boog got what he deserved..."

* * *

Author's Notes: First things first, Yokuba is a Japanese word for someone who is consumed with greed. A serious MOTHER fan will understand the reference.

As usual, Rocky and DUH belong to my good friend Cartoonslover17, who was also kind enough to type up the musical performance for this chapter.

And yes, I realize Wally has overlooked Lilliput Steps, but don't worry, he'll be back eventually. It just seems very in character for him to overlook something so obscure until a certain "Stone-Faced" character reminds him about it.

As always, read and review!


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10: Welcome to Threed

The DUH tour bus came to flying out of the Twoson/Threed tunnel, then screeched to a halt. A shaken Wally and Kuki stepped from the vehicle. "Even though DUH's upbeat music kept the ghosts away from the bus, they were still pretty scary." Kuki said, pale as a sheet.

"I'm gonna have nightmares about Barbra Streisand for weeks!" Wally added. "Thanks for the lift Rocky!"

"Not a problem! If you're ever in Fourside, look us up sometime!" the kid singer replied before speeding away.

"By Rocky!" Kuki yelled while waving her hand. She then added quietly, "don't come back too soon."

"So, our new friends is somewhere in this town. Well, lead the way Kuki!" Wally spoke after the tour bus had disappeared from view.

"Well, let's see, we need to go..." Kuki began to stutter in an unsure manner. Her composure was not helped by their surroundings: The town of Threed was a dark, gloomy place. The streets were nearly deserted, and the few pedestrians out and about scurried to and fro with their heads down.

"You don't actually know where to go do you?" Wally asked in a frank tone.

"Uh... no. But I'm sure if we just continue on as normal, we'll meet him at some point." Kuki replied in a defeated tone. "Hey, maybe that guy can help us!" she exclaimed after noticing a bald headed kid with an orange and black shirt sitting at a stand labeled HINTS.

"Hello, my name is Charlie Brown, but everyone calls me Hint Guy." he spoke as half the Chosen Four approached. "If you're stuck, I can give you a hint for $30."

"Might as well." Wally muttered while pulling the requested sum from his pocket. "Here you go."

"OK, now let me see..." Charlie muttered while looking through an Earthbound Player's Guide. "Head up North, through the cemetery, and follow the secret road out of town." Wally and Kuki shrugged and walked off. "Oh no. Hey wait, there's something you should... good grief, they already left."

The two young heroes now stood at the entrance of the Threed cemetery, weapons ready to fight. As they crept forward at a cautious pace, something caught Wally's eye. It was a plain cardboard box, sitting in the middle of a graveyard. With Kuki trembling behind him, Wally stepped forward and nudged the box with his foot.

The cardboard container suddenly burst open in a terrible vortex of green ectoplasim. A shadowy figure rose from the depthes of the box, and in a low, haunting voice muttered "Beware..."

"Wha...what is it Wally?" Kuki asked fearfully.

"I am... THE BOX GHOST!" The specter exclaimed as his voiced lost all sinister mannerisms and became quite comical instead. The Box Ghost was a squat, mildly pudgy blue specter in what seemed to be dock worker's attire. "I will destroy..."

"PSI FREEZE ALPHA!" yelled Kuki, sending a bolt of blue psychokinetic energy towards the pathetic poltergeist. The attack knocked The Box Ghost to the ground, and somehow managed to freeze part of his ethereal form.

"Need to call for backup." he muttered, and reached for the box he had burst from at the start of the fight and touched his fingers to its smooth, brown surface. His eyes began to glow with supernatural power as his otherworldly box powers affected the cardboard container. "Now you witness the true power of..." the ghost declared "THE BOX GHOST!"

In a flash of purple light, the box became a portal across time and space, and more of The Darkness's servants lepta through. When the light-show stopped, five Spy Flys and a strange half-zombie, half-skeleton creature called a Zombone had joined The Box Ghost. "Are you scared now?" the box haunting ghost asked.

"Well, I'm a little scared of the zombie/skelaton thing, yeah, but now if you." Wally replied. "I mean, that's the full extent of your powers? Calling for help?"

"Uh...well... you see..." The Box Ghost stuttered, "It's very complex OH JUST ATTACK!"

The mechanical Spy Flys dove at Kuki while Wally charged directly at the Zombone. Kuki used PSI Fire Alpha to destroy three of the Flys, while Wally was able to knock off one of his undead opponent's arms with his bat.

The two remaining Spy Flys buzzed around Kuki's head and made her confused when she tried to follow them with her eyes. The Zombone meanwhile "played dead" in front of Wally while the severed hand snuck up behind our hero and gave him an atomic wedgie. The Box Ghost was talking to his boxes.

Kuki was still disorientated from the buzzing Spy Flys, and accidentally bashed her frying pan over Wally's head with a SMAAASH! It all proved to be a little too much for our hero, for when he swung his weapon, intent on finishing off the Zombone, his swing came up short, and it seemed like it was all over for him.

Kuki suddenly had an idea however. She picked up the Rainbow Monkey she had carried all the way from the cottage prison the Blaine Cult had put her in. It was your average green Rainbow Monkey, nothing too special or elaborate about it. The young girl looked at Wally, then looked down at the Rainbow Monkey. She looked at Wally, the Rainbow Monkey. Wally, Rainbow Monkey, Wally, Rainbow Monkey. Then, with a sigh, Kuki wound up her arm and did something her friends in Twoson would swear was impossible: she chucked the Rainbow Monkey as hard as she could into the Zombone's incoming strike, saving Wally and reducing the plush toy to a pile of fluff.

For a brief moment, all six combatents stood completly still and silent, shocked and what had happened. Kuki broke the silence by bursting into a cascade of tears, which fell onto the mechanical Spy Flys, short circuting them. Wally crushed the Zombone's rotting skull in, destroying its brain and returning it to the dust of the earth.

That left only The Box Ghost to face a stern looking Wally and the now furious Kuki, who's tears had quickly been evaporated by the red fires of rage that now burned in her eyes. "Uhhhh... beware?" he said/asked timidly.

Kuki yelled in fury as she charged at the ghost, who jumped back into his precious box, and used its portal to flee the field. That didn't stop Kuki from bashing the box over and over until it was nothing but a beat down pile of brown dust. Wally just waited for her to finish venting, and at the same time noticed all of the spooks, ghosts and ghouls who were waiting to pounce were not backing off in fear.

When his teammate was finally done demolishing the brown box, Wally walked up and simply asked "better?"

"Much." was Kuki's reply. "I'm still kinda sad about the Rainbow Monkey, but I'm glad it kept you from getting hurt."

"Yep, well, we should really get moving!" Wally replied in a suddenly upbeat tone. "There isn't another Rainbow Monkey store for miles, so we should do our best to just move on and..."

"EEEPPPP! RAINBOW MONKEY!" Kuki suddenly exclaimed. Wally looked over in shock to notice Kuki had apparently pulled another plush toy from a nearby garbage can. "Did you get thrown in the stinky trash can by accident? Don't worry, you can come with us!"

"...Crud." was all Wally could think as they continued along through the bone-yard, their enemies giving them a wide berth. Finally, they reached one enemy that would not allow them to pass: A cute pink Huggy Bear.

The stuffed animal stared into the youngster's souls, and spoke "I love you. I will turn back right now and not return in this direction.

"I love you. I will turn back right now and not return in this direction." spoke the two heroes in mindless, hypnotized unison. Then, just as they said they would, they turned back and did not return in that direction.

With that option exhausted, our heroes sat on the curb, trying to think of a solution, when Kuki suddenly noticed something. "No... it can't be..." she muttered, and began walking towards the disturbance.

"What is it Kuki?" Wally asked. He got no response, and could only blindly follow Kuki as she seemingly sniffed out the disturbance. Finally they rounded a corner, and Wally got a good look at what the disturbance was. "...Crud." he thought to himself the second time that day as he saw...

"THE SUPER SURPRISE LIMITED EDITION ULTRA FLUFFY LOVE MUSH *etc. etc. etc.* RAINBOW MONKEY!" Kuki exclaimed, at the sight of what is probably the most complex and elaborate Rainbow Monkey ever sat on the sidewalk.

"Hey Kuki, is that a string tied around its waist?" Wally asked when he noticed a thin white string was indeed tied around the Plush Toys waist, but Kuki had already begun sprinting after the toy. "Here we go..." Wally muttered as he took off after her.

The chase lead them all the way into the Threed hotel. Kuki bowled over the receptionist when she saw it head into a room. After shattering the door into a million pieces, Kuki grabbed the Rainbow Monkey and hugged it with enough force to bend steel. After a few seconds Wally tapped her on the shoulder, causing the psychic youth to open her eyes and observe their surroundings.

The hotel room was full of zombies and ghosts, and in the corner of the room, holding the string attached to the Rainbow Monkey, was Mushi Sanban, Kuki's little sister (who apperantly ran away from home at age six to work for zombies. Go figure.)

They both blacked out within seconds.

When our heroes awakened, they were in a strange, underground room with only one door. Wally tried opening it and found out it was locked. "This is all my fault." Kuki began to sob. "If it wasn't for me we wouldn't be trapped here."

"Listen, what's done is done. Right now, we need to focus on getting out of here." Wally spoke while readying himself to charge at the door. "OUCH!" he exclaimed when he bounced of it.

"Wait, I have an idea!" Kuki declared after a few minutes of though. She then closed her eyes and put her hands to her head. "I, Kuki, am calling out to you, a friend we've never meet before. We need your help... Dib! We need your help Dib, go south Dib, go south!"

* * *

Author's Notes: And now you know who will be playing Jeff Andonauts.

Mushi was playing the Zombie Lady and will return at the same time Omi (Poo) joins the party.

The Grim Reaper and Zombone are (of course) from the Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy.

The Box Ghost is from Danny Phantom, and the Spy Flys are from the KND episode Operation: T.H.E. F.L.Y.

Barbra Streisand being scary is from the South Park Hallowean episode's "Spooky Vision."

The Hint Man from Earthbound conduct business from "Peanuts" style wooden stands, so Charlie Brown is the Hint Guy.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11: Enter Dib

"Go south Dib, go south..." echoed the fading cry of a young girl in the mind of Dib, a young boy with an abnormally sized head, jagged black hair and a matching trench coat. Although it was the middle of the night at Winters Boarding Skool, Dib was wide awake, messing with an ancient looking radio-like device that included a bulky pair of headphones.

"Go south Dib, go south..." The call came again, causing Dib to jump from his radio and remove the headphones.

"It's happening, it's actually happening!" he exclaimed. "Humanity is ready to advance to the next stage of existence, and the psychic Starmen are calling me south to be the first one to be elevated!"

All of this commotion awoke Dib's roommate, a rejected boy with frizzy orange hair who is extremely absorbent and can withstand intense electrical shock. His name is Keef. "Hey Dib. What's going on?" he asked when he saw his only friend wading through a pile of half-built machines on the floor to an elaborate board of pictures and notes connected by string.

"Or maybe some kind of psychic werewolf vampire is drawing me into a trap... oh hey Keef." Dib mused quietly. He finally decided that he must investigate regardless of the personal risk, and began packing a bag of supplies.

"Are you going on some kind of trip Dib? Can I come!" Keef asked excitedly. He then spoke slower and with a far away tone. "I had a dream that we once found a magical walnut tree and spent all day playing with the squirrels that lived in it until our eyes turned into walnuts..."

While most people would have been unnerved by such behavior, Dib had grown used to his friend's bizarre mannerisms, and simply replied, "Sure, just bring that tinfoil hat I gave you for your birthday." Keef gave a thumbs up, then reached into a box marked "Dib Stuff" and pulled out said tinfoil hat.

The duo made it downstairs without incident, but as they neared the exit a bone chilling chill went down their spines. Dib and Keef turned around slowly, and came face to face with Ms. Bitters, a demonic member of the boarding school's faculty. "Just where do you think you two are going?" questioned the teacher as her eyes bored into Dib's very soul.

"Me and Dib have to go south to meet with the psychic mole people, right Dib?" Keef asked, causing Dib to look even more guilty.

Ms. Bitters continued to stare in an intense manner. Finally, she spoke, "Very well Dib, you and Keef can take a directionless, wandering walk through the cold, dark forest filled with dangerous animals. Just remember to take the hall pass." While speaking the last sentence she pointed to an old, heavy radiator with the words "Hall Pass" painted crudely in white paint. Ms. Bitters then faded into a dark mist.

"Keef, you grab the Hall Pass, I'll head into the locker room and get some stuff." Dib said before running through a nearby door. Keef grabbed the Hall Pass, and began dragging.

Five minutes later, when Dib returned, the radiator had only moved four inches. Dib had retrieved a small pop gun, a high powered bottle rocket, and a machine for opening locked doors.

Twenty minutes later, the two had gotten the Hall Pass to the Skool gates, which proved to be too tall to climb over unaided. "We could go back inside and grab that helicopter backpack you're building for science class." Dib suggested to Keef.

"I've got a better idea!" Keef exclaimed, and with all his strength, absorbency, and electrical conductivity lifted the radiator over his head. Dib jumped up onto the giant hall pass, then jumped again to clear the fence. "Go for it Dib! I believe in y-" it was at that moment that Keef's muscles gave out, and the hall pass dropped from his arms, and crushed him. "...ouch."

Dib regained his balance and surveyed the area. It was then that he noticed a cheap, 24/7 convenience store three feat away from the Skool's gates. "How long has that been there for?" Dib asked himself as he walked inside. He looked at the prices, then dug around in his pocket. "Well, I've only got $2, but I don't think I need to buy anything."

"Are you sure about that my friend?" asked someone with a heavy Indian accent. Dib looked over to see a breathing stereotype manning the store. "We have just received a shipment of this Omega-bubble bubble gum, but nobody has bought any because that noisy Monkey has been driving away my customers!" Apu explained while pointing to a monkey who's only know name was Monkey. He appeared eager to escape the store. "Would you like to buy some gum, and most definitely not a monkey?"

"Well, chewing gum is said to protect one's mind from the psychic prods of the Stonehenge Alien Bee's..." Dib replied while paying.

"Whatever you say. Here is your gum, and your free complimentary monkey!" Apu said while dumping both the gum and Monkey on the paranormal investigator. "Thank you, come again!"

Dib looked at the monkey suspiciously. "You're not an alien are you?" he asked. "Because if you're just a regular Earth Monkey, you should have no problem chewing this gum, right?" he said while offering the monkey some gum.

Monkey took the gum, and chewed it slowly. He then blew a big bubble, which lifted him partially off the ground. It eventually popped however, causing a suprised Monkey to fall to the ground.

"Well, I guess you're not an alien after all..." Dib replied while popping some gum into his mouth. He coughed for a moment then spit it out. "But this gum is terrible! And sugar free! Well, let's get going."

The Paranormal investigator and Monkey began the long cold walk south towards Stonehenge. Suddenly, Dib began to feel uneasy, and began scanning the area in a paranoid (well, MORE paranoid) manner. Suddenly, two Murkrows and a Poochyena attacked!

"Looks like it's time to fight Monkey!" Dib declared. Monkey took a gum ball and began chewing! Murkrow A pecked at Dib's eyes! "Ow ow ow!" Murkrow B stole something. "My boiled egg! You guys just think you own all the food in the world, but you don't!"

Monkey attacked! SMAAASH! Murkrow B was defeated. Dib fired the Pop Gun! Poochyena dodged quickly! Poochyena bit Dib! Murkrow A pecked at Monkey's eyes! Monkey's bubble popped!

Monkey fell to the ground and landed on his butt. The Poochyena seized the opportunity and charged at Monkey. The simian was too quick of both mind and body, however. The Poochyena ran straight into Monkey's legs, and Monkey juggled it into the air from his position on the ground. Dib took aim with his Pop Gun and fired! The Poochyena was beaten! Murkrow A ran away. Dib and Monkey won!

"Woah, that fight took a lot out of me." Dib panted wearily. "Monkey, we must find shelter!" The two trekked on through the cold and the frost, until they finally reached a collection of tents on the shore of a lake. "Hey, I know where we are! This is the Messie Watching Club, who spend all their time searching for the Loch Mess Monster!" Dib exclaimed when he saw several uniformed people milling about with binoculars.

"You be right about that laddie." came a ragged male voice with a heavy Scottish accent. The speaker was a stereotypically Scot wearing a kilt and bright red hair. "I'm groundskeeper Willie, and these loonies pay me to keep their camp all in order." he explained.

"Can me and my monkey friend stay the night? We're traveling to Stonehenge and are pretty worn out." Dib asked.

"Sure thing laddie. I just cooked up a fresh pot of haggis." Willie replied while leading Dib into a tent. He then gave the young paranormal investigator a bowl filled with stuffed, boiled, and partially liquid sheep guts.

Dib stared at the meal with moderate concern. "Is this supposed to be a liquid or a solid?" he asked.

"EAT THE SOUP OR YE'LL BE SLEEPING IN THE LOCH!" Willie exploded, causing Dib to hurriedly eat the soup.

"You know, compared to the stuff back at Skool, this isn't so bad." Dib commented once he was done. When he and Monkey left the tent, the wind had picked up, and the Messie Watchers seemed excited. "I remember reading somewhere that Messie only emerges when the wind is strong..." Dib mused.

Then, the water began to bubble, something was coming to the surface! Slowly, the flat head (which weirdly had a pink beanie and glasses) and long pink neck of Messie emerged from the Loch. After a few seconds, the creature spoke aloud. "Why do I always get these lame rolls?" in a young girl's voice.

Suddenly a fat man in a white shirt came out of nowhere and pointed a finger towards Messie. "Shut up Meg." He then promptly walked off screen.

"Well, come on you two. The script says I'm supposed to ferry you over the lake." Messie (whose name will now be shortened to Meg) spoke. Monkey and Dib climbed on her back, and Meg began swimming to the other end of the lake.

Back on the shore, Willie and the fat man, whose name was Peter, were watching the three depart. "They'll be back." Willie spoke bitterly. "Paranormal Investigators and monkeys are natural enemies. Just like the Scots and the Irish. Or the Scots and the English. Or Scots and Japanese. Or Scots and other Scots! Damm Scots." he emphasized his last statement with a shake of his fist.

"Wow, you Scots sure are an aggressive people. You know, this reminds me of that time..." Peter began to say, but was cut off when Willie punched him in the jaw.

"YOU'VE JUST MADE YOURSELF AN ENEMY!"

On the other side of the loch, Meg had finally reached the shore, allowing Dib and Monkey to disembark. She then sank back below the water without another word.

The duo continued on for a while, until they encountered a massive iron pencil blocking the way. "Okay, now this is CLEARLY the work of aliens!" Dib exclaimed. "I mean, why else would a massive iron pencil be blocking the path?" The boy felt Monkey tug on his sleeve and looked down. The simian was chattering and pointing towards a cave entrance with a sign by it.

Please enjoy my modest dungeon.

-Robot Jones.

"Well, I guess this is our only way through. Come on Monkey!" Dib exclaimed, and the two ventured in with great courage.

Inside the cavern was a series of trails, indicated by parallel rows of rocks. The thing is, the rocks are really only the size of a shoe. Not even a small baby would be unable to step over them.

Dib pondered this for a moment, then shrugged. "Well, this would be a real problem if we were in some kind of 16-bit video game, but since I've already disproved that particular theory, we can just step over the rocks!" And so they did.

About halfway through the cave, however, a strange enemy blocked our hero's path. It was a duck that was apparently wearing a black bodysuit with a large green Q attached to the forehead. The foul fowl's eyes narrowed when it caught sight of Monkey. For this is no ordinary costumed duck. It is... QUACKOR!

Instantly Monkey's body began to glow with white light, and in a flash Monkey was wearing a similar bodysuit, only his had a yellow M on the forehead and belt. Monkey then glared at Quackor, and white lasers burst from his eyes. In response, Quackor fired a similar ray from her forehead. The two beams connected halfway, leaving both deadlocked.

"I knew there was something weird about that monkey!" Dib exclaimed. He knew he had to help, but realized his puny pop gun would do no good. It was then that he noticed a gift wrapped box sitting a short distance away: running over and ripping it open with haste, Dib found a Stun Gun inside. He abandoned the Pop Gun and looked at his options.

"Only got one chance." Dib muttered before charging in. "Take this you fowl from beyond the stars!" he yelled. Once he was mere inches from Quackor, he jabbed the Stun Gun into the duck's side and pulled the trigger, sending the full force of the electric surge into the duck. In the resulting spasms, Quackor's lasers went wild, and Dib was struck numerous times. Quackor was beaten and retreated, but Dib was badly hurt.

Monkey, who was on the verge of being beaten before Dib arrived, grabbed the Paranormal Investigator by the arm and began dragging him. (If he were to fly, he would likely drop him.) As they exited the dungeon, an odd looking robot stopped them on the way out.

"Hello, my designation is Robot Jones, and I have been assigned to study human phenomenon known as Dungeon Crawling, so that one a day a superior, fully automated dungeon can be constructed. I'd give you a survey, but I can see it was a little to much for your friend here. The difficulty will be recorded and adjusted." It spoke before dinging. "Have a nice day."

Monkey continued to drag his fallen friend through another cave, using his eye lasers to blast away any foes. When they exited THAT cave, Stonehenge lay before them. Suddenly, Dib began to stir. He was waking up!

It was just then that the voice of Agent Honeydew entered Monkey's brain. "Monkey, come quick. We need you!" With one last look at his new friend, who had just gotten back on his feet, Monkey flew into the sky to combat the force's of The Darkness elsewhere.

Dib stood and watched his new buddy fly off into the sunset, until only a faint glimmer was left. "Flying Monkeys." he muttered as he began to walk again. "Not even I saw that one coming."

Dib quickly jaunted past Stonehenge. He had always wanted to investigate the odd rock formation, but he had to reach Wally and Kuki! Besides, he had a weird feeling he'd be back at some point...

What was further down the trail surprised Dib even more though: It was the laboratory of his genius father, the world renowned Professor Membrane! "And to think he was only a couple miles away these whole ten years..." Dib muttered as he walked in.

The laboratory was dark, as all power was being diverted to an experiment at the far end of the room, where electricity could be seen to sparkle behind the Professor's hunched form. "Dad... is that you?" Dib asked.

"Not now son, I'm making..." The Professor replied slowly. "TOAST!" he then exclaimed while turning around with a slice of toast in his gloved hand. "Wait a minute, you're Dib, my son! It's so good to see you after those long ten years! I'm so happy you've finally overcome your temporary insanity!" he exclaimed while hugging his son.

"Aw Dad, I knew you'd remember me." Dib replied happily. "I still have the first invention you gave me!" Dib added while pulling a rattle out of his coat. He shook it for just a second, causing a laser beam to punch a hole in the roof.

"Ah yes, the laser firing rattle." Membrane added happily. "So, is there anything you want to do to celebrate your new sanity?" he asked. "My treat."

"Actually, there is. You see, back at the Boarding Skool, I was mentally contacted by these two psychics, Wally and Kuki. They need my help, so I escaped the Skool and journeyed here with the help of a flying Monkey and the Loch Mess monster. I got knocked out by an alien duck, and got contacted again. I need to get to Threed and save them!" Dib explained in one long breath.

Professor Membrane just sighed and muttered, "Oh my poor, insane son." He spoke up, "Well, it seems the only way to cure you is to make you face reality. I've just completed my latest invention: The Sky Hog! You can fly it to Threed and see for yourself that there are no such things are psychics."

The Sky Hog was, well, a large aircraft shaped like a hog. Dib climbed in (through a side panel, mind you) and when he couldn't find the launch button, heard his father yell, "Push the "Advance FanFic Plot button. It's the big red one!" Dib finally found the button, and in a moment, was off into the sky!

As he sailed over a vast desert and vaster ocean, Dib mused over his ship's unusual shape. "Still, it could be worse. I could be flying around in a big blue police box."

Dead ahead, Threed.

* * *

A/N: First things first. I apologize about the massive delay, but I ultimately feel that it worked out for the best. Casting was a massive pain in the butt for this chapter, and the long delay was mostly to iron that out.

Keef (playing Tony) having a helicopter backpack for a science project was a reference to the fact that he shares his voice actor with Jack Spicer of Xiaolin Showdown. Ms. Bitters (Maxwell) let Dib (Jeff) and Keef roam the woods hoping wolves would eat them.

Monkey of Dexter's Lab was playing the Bubble Monkey, and his arch-rival Quackor is playing The Mad Duck, an enemy from Earthbound. They are significantly less deadly in the game.

Meg Griffin as Tessie is meant to reference her roles as the Dianago and Space Slug in the Star Wars Family Guy parodies. And of course, Professor Membrane is playing Doctor Andonuts. Such a loving father.

And of course, the Blue Police Box is a Doctor Who reference.

Rate and Review!


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12: Zombie Madness!

"OK, so which one of these buttons deploys the landing gear?" Dib mused as the Sky Hog circled over a Threed cemetery. The aircraft suddenly stopped circling, holding position exactly. "Perfect! Huh, that button looks promising..." Dib thought before pressing a shiny blue button.

"WARNING! WARNING! PREPARE FOR IMPACT!" a harsh mechanical voice screeched out as alarms blared and red lights flashed.

"WRONG BUTTON, WRONG BUTTON!" Dib exclaimed while randomly pressing every button he could reach in hopes of ending the crash landing.

"PLEASE TAKE A PARACHUTE, AND HAVE A NICE DAY!" the computer screeched once again as a parachute dropped from an overhead compartment into Dib's lap. The Sky Hog then plunged straight down at a high velocity, shattering the layer of Earth with a cartoon BOOM!

This had the fortunate side affect of crashing the Sky Hog right into Wally and Kuki's underground prison. They were both very lucky to avoid being crushed. When the smoke cleared, the porcine aircraft was trashed. Somewhere in the distance, a hubcap could be heard falling over. After a few awkward seconds, a side panel fell away, allowing a charred, soot-covered Dib to stagger out, parachute over his shoulders. After shambling a few inches, he fell flat on his face. A few seconds after that, the parachute opened. "...ouch."

Wally and Kuki looked at each other, both of their expressions containing serious concern. But after a few seconds, Dib stood back up and removed the parachute, then looked at his new friends. "So, uh, hi there." he said as nonchalontly as possible. "Are you guys really psychics?" he asked.

"Yeah." was Wally's response.

"What number am I thinking of?" Dib asked suspiciously.

"...42." Wally answeared after a few seconds.

"I WAS RIGHT!" Dib exclaimed, raising his fists to the sky in triumph. "AFTER ALL THESE YEARS OF RESEARCH AND RIDICULE, I'VE FOUND PROOF THAT PSYCHICS EXIST!" He then began to ramble to himself at a low mumble. "And if psychics exist, then why not aliens? Or bigfoot? Or honest politicians!"

"Are you gonna help us get out of here or not?" Wally asked, already frustrated by the boy's unusual behavior.

"Oh, yeah, sure thing. Let me just run a few tests..." Dib replied before sticking some electrodes to both PSI user's foreheads, shinning a flashlight in their eyes, taking several photographs, a lock of hair from Kuki and a tooth from Wally. "Now about this door..."

"Listen you, if you think you're just gonna waltz in here and..." Wally began to rave, until he noticed Dib was standing by their prison's only door, which was now wide open. Dib himself was holding some kind of smoking, sizzling electrical device in his hands.

"Well, the Bad Key Machine broke after one use, but it got this door open." he spoke rapidly. "Now let's go! There are so many things that need to be discovered!"

Wally and Kuki just stood there in mutual confusion as Dib rushed out. Then, Kuki broke the silence by saying. "Well, I like him! He's silly." She then skipped away to join their new friend.

"Of course you would..."

Outside, Dib was running about the graveyard, photographing all the ghosts, ghouls and monsters, who were thoroughly confused about the child's lack of fear. One restless spirit finally decided that enough was enough. Ghastly attacked!

"PSI THUNDER BETA!" shouted Kuki, and the arching bolts of electricity struck the unsuspecting Ghastly as it prepared to use Night Shade. The floating ball of evil called for help! Oscar the Grouch and 3 Spy Flys joined the battle!

Dib fired his Stun Gun at the Spy Flys, and hit one, destroying it! Kuki used PSI Freeze Alpha on the Ghastly, defeating it!

"So just what are you supposed to be?" Wally asked Oscar.

"I'm Oscar the Grouch, filling in for the Putrid Moldeyman. Eat garbage, punk!" the green garbage dweller replied before tossing a handful of garbage at Wally. Wally dodged quickly! Wally attacked! SMAAAASH! Oscar's can was knocked on its side, and the grouch pulled the lid closed while muttering "I'm not getting paid enough to do this..."

Dib had defeated another Spy Fly, but was having trouble eliminating the last one. "PSI Thunder Alpha!" That psychic attack was enough to finish the fight, granting the heroes another victory!

"Definitely malevolent." wrote Dib into a notebook. He then folded it and his pen back into his coat and turned to his teammates. "So how do we proceed from here?" Dib asked.

"Uhhhhhhh," Wally stuttered while looking at Kuki. "We don't really have a plan. We've kinda been improvising this whole time." he admitted sheepishly.

"What were you two doing while you were trapped in the hole?" Dib exclaimed.

At that question, Wally looked annoyed and Kuki's eyes began to water.

*Flashback*

"So, how should we pass the time until this Dib shows up?" Wally asked right after Kuki had sent out the psychic call for help.

"Let's play with my Rainbow Monkey!" Kuki replied while pulling the one she found in the garbage earlier out of the garbage. It was then that a chunk of ceiling rattled loose, coming down directly on top of the plush toy, mangling it beyond repair. Wally looked relieved, Kuki became sad, etc. etc.

*End Flashback*

"Don't ask mate." Wally answered. Kuki had only stopped crying a few minutes before Dib crashed into the prison.

"...Alright." Dib replied, mystified. "Is there anywhere that townspeople have banded together to fight the zombies?"

"I did see a bunch of people running inside a circus tent when we first got here." Kuki replied.

"Then to the circus tent we go!" Wally declared, and his two teammates fell in behind him, and the trio set off to find the tent!

As they wandered back into town, a deep, masculine voice called out, "Hey, you!" All three turned around to see a tall, heavily muscled African-American man in military fatigues and with an awesome beard. "I saw you guys fight it out with those monsters back there, and I'm impressed. My name's Action Hank."

"You mean THE Action Hank!" Wally asked with aw. Action Hank was his hero!

"That's right kids. Now, who wants to buy some explosives?" Action Hank responded while opening a cameo suitcase loaded with all kinds rockets, bombs, grenades, ammunition, and other things that should not generally be sold to children.

"Would we!" Wally and Dib replied simultaneously.

When they finished speaking to Action Hank, the children had an Air Gun for Dib, as well as numerous bombs, rockets and something called a Shield Killer. Kuki had not bought anything.

Unfortunately, Wally and Dib got lost in conversation about their mutual hero, Action Hank, and quickly became lost. Kuki just did her best to ignore their masculine discussion, and the three unknowingly walked right past the correct tent. Little did they know that they were being watched.

"Yo, we got problems. Chosen Cumps are my way!" spoke a frogish youth hiding behind dumpster into a radio. His name was Todd Tolanski, and he has dirty pale skin, greenish brown hair, and wide yellow eyes. More commonly known as The Toad, he served as a spy for the zombies and Darkness, but he was really more hungry instead of malevolent.

"Then use the Chameleon Bot, you fool!" yelled the voice of a young Latino boy before the connection was cut. Toad turned around to see a skeleton-like white and gold robot emerge from the shadows.

"Oh yeah. Now where's that instruction manual that red-head gave me before leaving for Asia..." Toad commented while digging around his pockets. A fly buzzed up to him, and without shifting his gaze from his pockets, Toad shot out his long, sticky, green tongue. The fly became stuck to it, and the amphibious mutant swallowed the insect whole. "Oh, here it is!"

The instruction manuel was simply a crumpled piece of paper with the words "Voice Command" written in crude black marker. The letter "a" in command was written backwards.

"Sounds easy enough." Toad commented while putting the paper back in his pocket. "Yo, robo-freak! Stomp those brats!" The Chameleon Bot snapped to attention and began to march forward. When it saw Toad in his path, it grabbed the mutant by the collar into the dumpster before continuing on. "Geez, what is this, abuse the Toad day?" he asked rhetorically before noticing something at the bottom of the dumpster. "Ohh, centipede!"

"Hey guys look! There's the tent!" Kuki exclaimed. And sure enough, a perfectly normal circus tent could be seen up ahead. "Hey Wally, this isn't the part of town I remember the tent being in."

"Ah, don't worry Kooks. Even if this is a trap, no one can beat us now that we have all this stuff from Action Hank!" Wally replied cockily, and even Dib seemed less paranoid. When the trio was only a few inches away from the tent flap, a screeching metal theme began to blare from the tent itself, and the tent itself began to crackle with electricity as several mechanical arms shot out.

"It's a trap!" exclaimed Dib.

"Take this!" Wally exclaimed while readying a bottle rocket he bought from Action Hank. Due to his incompetence, however, the rocket exploded in his hands, covering the boy's body in black soot. Dib had better luck with his rocket, however, and used it to blow up one of the Chameleon Tent's robot tentacles.

Kuki fended off a tentacle attack with her frying pan, then shot a few bolts of PK Thunder Beta at the mechanical tent, damaging its inner electronics. The Chameleon Tent's flap slide open, and a whole bunch of missiles flew out.

"PSI..." Wally began as the power built up inside him. "ROCKIN' BETA!" The blast of psychokinetic power destroyed the missiles in flight, then kept going to damage the Chameleon Tent. Then, before the flap could close back up, Dib slide forward with the skill of a professional baseball player and tossed a old timey cartoon bomb into the tent. The explosion inflicted even more damage to the tent.

"Alroight guys, let's finish this!" Wally yelled. "PSI ROCKIN' BETA!"

Kuki pointed her fingers outward and closed her eyes. "PSI FREEZE BETA!"

Dib was busy pulling something out of his backpack. "I may not have psychic powers, but I don't need them when I have a weapon!" Dib yelled while firing a big bottle rocket at the Chameleon Tent.

The combined power of the attacks was enough to finally destroy the Chameleon Tent. The device sparked for a few seconds, then detonated in a glorius fireball. It was awesome.

* * *

A/N: This was probably one of the funnest chapters yet to write. With the Choosen Four almost united, the hilarity is sure to increase with Dib's constant ranting.

Action Hank, at the recommendation of one of my many fans, is playing the Arms Dealer, who sells all of Jeff's weapons and items.

I don't normally like using cartoon adaptations of comic characters in this type of thing, but the X-Men Evolution version of the Toad is different enough from the comic version that I broke it this once. He was just perfect to play that dirty-looking kid who works for the zombies.

The shapshifting Chameleon Bot (from an early episode of Xiaolin Showdown) is acting as the Boogie Tent because I always saw that enemy as a ghost possesing a regular tent instead of an actual living, evil tent.

Rate and Review.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13: Zombies ate the title

Wally, Kuki and Dib lowered their arms, allowing them to survey the scene now that the bright light from the explosion had subsided. Scorch-marked pieces of scrap were scattered all about. The three children then saw a barrel with the universal symbol for radioactivity where the center of the Chameleon Tent had stood. Dib walked up and examined it.

"Looks radioactive." he declared after pulling the cover off. "Definitely radioactive." he declared after dipping his finger into the barrel and swallowing some of the bright green fluid that stuck to his thumb. This had the side effect of horrifying Kuki and Wally into speechlessness. "Oh don't worry about it. If the cafeteria food back at the Skool didn't kill me, then a little radiation certainly won't." he spoke while dipping a glass jar into the larger barrel to collect a sample. "I'll think we should hang onto this and try to find out how our enemies power their machines." Dib finished while placing the glowing jar into his jacket.

"Whatever mate, but you're carrying that thing." Wally replied. The display had both weirded out and impressed the blond boy at the same time.

"So what do we do now?" asked Kuki.

"This tent was clearly a robotic decoy deployed to eliminate us. The best course of action is to search for the real tent." Dib suggested.

"Works for me." Wally replied, and the trio set off. After about a minute of walking, a ringing noise came from Wally's backpack. It was the pipe phone The Blueberry Kid (A.K.A. Hoagie Gilligan) had given him back in Twoson. "Hello?"

"Hey Wally, I've got a new invention for yah." Hoagie spoke between bites of what is probably a chilly dog. "Zombie Paper! Guaranteed to entrap anything undead that steps in it. And if you think it's useless, then you're UN-dead wrong! Get it, un-dead?"

Wally rolled his eyes at the horrible pun. "Hilarious. How do you plan on getting it to us?"

"I gave it to a pizza delivery boy to pass along to you. Just keep your eyes open." Hoagie replied before hanging up.

Shortly after that, a young adult with orange hair rode by on a bicycle. His name is Phillip J. Fry, and he abruptly stopped when he noticed Dib. "Hey kid!"

Dib turned around. "Yes?" This caused Fry to pull a folded up piece of paper from his pocket. Once unfolded, it is revealed to be a childish crayon drawing of a stick-figure with blond bowl-cut hair holding a baseball bat. The name "Wally" was scrawled near an arrow pointing at the figure.

Fry looked at the drawing, then at Dib. Drawing, then Dib. Drawing, Dib. Drawing, Dib. After about a minute of thought, he shrugged, said "Good enough for me. Here's your zombie paper Wally!" while tossing a roll of the aft-mentioned Zombie Paper at Dib, then resumed peddling. "Now onto the Fourside Cyrogenics Laboratory..."

Dib stared down at the Zombie Paper, then looked at his friends. "Let's just not ask?" he suggested, unsure of what just happened.

Wally and Kuki just shrugged, and everyone kepta moving forward. When they did eventually reach the real tent, a fat man with yellow skin wearing a green uniform and holding a shotgun was guarding the entrance. I didn't mean the yellow thing a racist way either, his skin is actually bright yellow.

"Hold it right there!" Homer yelled while leveling his shotgun at the three. "How do I know you're not zombies?" he demanded accusingly.

Before any of them could reply, a new voice was heard. "Hey there neighbor." said a man with a friendly, cheerful voice. He was coming through the fog. "I'm feeling a bit peckish. Do you mind if I chew on your ear?" When the man stepped into the light, he was revealed to be a zombified Flanders, Homer's next door neighbor. Before this confrontation could continue, zombie Flanders fell to the ground, when Homer put a shotgun shell through his head, destroying the zombie.

"Dad, you killed the zombie Flanders!" exclaimed the man's son, Bart.

Homer's expression was blank for a few moments. "He was a zombie?"'

While all this was going on, Wally, Kuki and Dib had entered the tent, which was the HQ of the Zombie Response Team. The Zombie Response Team is, of course, a bunch of useless adults who decided to all hide in the same location. Members include Marge and Lisa Simpson, wife and daughter (respectively) to the fat man keeping watch outside, Lenny and Carl, the only other members of Springshield, the security company headed by the same fat man. Also in the crowd were Krusty the Clown, the town's resident entertainer, and Fat Tony, leader of the town's mafia.

"There's nothing funny about getting eaten by zombies! Hey-hey!" Krusty joked, then broke down crying once it set in how doomed they are.

"We organized to try and wack the zombies, but I think they're gonna end up whacking us." Fat Tony added.

"Don't worry everyone, we have a solution!" stated Wally, getting everyone's attention.

"It's sweet that kids as young as you want to help, but I don't think there's much you can do." replied Marge.

"That's where you're wrong." Dib spoke up while readying the zombie paper. "This paper is guaranteed to trap all forms of the undead. If we scatter it around this tent and let the zombies come in, they'll be stuck to the floor. Then all you'd have to do is burn down the tent..."

"That might stop the zombies for awhile, but they'll just come back." Lisa responded. "You have to destroy the source of the undead. We're pretty sure they're coming from the north."

"After we catch all the zombies in this tent, we'll head north and destroy them at their source!" Dib exclaimed. No one objected to this plan, so they all set to work readying the trap.

Once the Zombie Paper was set, everyone dispersed for the night. The next day, the townsfolk set the tent ablaze (with Homer throwing his pants on for some reason) while our heroes headed to the previously blocked path, which was now devoid of any obstacles. At the end of the line, they found a ladder leading underground.

When our heroes climbed down the ladder, they found a tunneled out underground path. Several open coffins were scattered about. "It all make sense now!" Dib exclaimed. "The monster's leader has some kind of base at the end of the tunnel, and this tunnel both transports his forces to Threed, but is also how they get their zombies! Smaller tunnels are dug under the cemetery are used to retrieve coffins and create zombies!"

"That... actually makes sense." Wally replied with a mystified expression. He turned to Kuki. "What? It does."

"Really...?" Dib replied. "No one has ever said that to me before..."

When the trio reached the end of the tunnel, a bizarre sight awaited. A sentient pile of slime and grime guarded the ladder to the surface. The Muk attacked!

Kuki used PSI Freeze Beta! The psychokinetic attack struck the oily Pokemon's gooey folds, creating a patch of frost and ice. Then, to everyone's horror, the ice just sunk into the Muk, becoming a part of the sewage monster's girth.

Muk grinned menacingly, then used sludge bomb! The dripping ball of putrid filth sailed through the air, but Dib (its intended target) jumped aside just in time to avoid getting splashed. The paranormal investigator then retaliated with a bottle rocket (bought from Action Hank) that struck the Muk right in its putrid arm. This too, was absorbed into the filth. "Got you." Dib muttered as the rocket exploded inside the Muk's arm.

More position sewage moved to replace the lost limb, but Wally struck fast, putting all his weight into his swing. With one mighty SMAAASH! he struck the monster on its still regenerating arm, scattering the sentient stack of anamorphic filth all over the wall. It was still in one squirming pile however, so Kuki readied a new PSI attack. "PSI..." she muttered in a soft, almost praying voice. "FIRE BETA!" she exclaimed while holding her fingers out, tapping into her new power.

A wave of fire shot from Kuki's fingers, roasting the Muk, burning away its acid filth body. Our heroes secured victory.

"Muk... Muk Muk..." it groaned.

"What's it saying?" Dib asked while scooping a small piece of slime into a test tube.

"I'll find out..." Wally replied, and the young boy focused his mind to read the Pokemon's mind.

"...You won't beat Master Hexxus. He eats radioactive material for breakfast!" the Muk stammered before passing out.

Wally contemplated the Muk's words for a moment, before hearing Kuki say, "Ewww, what a stinky monster. I hope we don't have to fight any more of them."

"I need to analyze this sample as soon as possible. It may finally prove my theory that cosmic X-rays ARE capable of animating liquid matter." Dib added. "So what did it say anyway?"

"I'll tell you once we're out of this hole. Be ready though, we don't know what's on the other side...

* * *

A/N: First of all, sorry for the delay, but a series of unfortunate events has occurred and I haven't been able to write recently. I'm also aware that a lot of you may find this chapter somewhat short and dull, but I'm having a huge writer's block at the moment. Which brings me to a little request I need to make of you fans: Who do you think is best to play the Mr. Saturns?

I was going to use Pikachus, then I realized something: SPOILERS AHEAD:Dr. Andonuts and Apple Kid work with the Mr. Saturns near the end, they can understand them END SPOILERS. Professor Membrane and Numbah 2 aren't psychic, and only psychics can understand Pokemon, as we've just seen above. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.

Also, pigs have flown and Dib made sense. Is the world coming to an end?


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14: Aliens and Superheros

When Wally, Kuki and Dib exited the underground road, they found themselves in a valley. To the left was a waterfall-fed river, to the right, cliff walls. The way seemed clear, and the children advanced a few feet before seeing an usual figure on the side of the path.

"Ah, Salaam and good evening to you, young travelers." spoke a short, Middle Eastern man wearing a sky blue robe that went down to his feet and tied by a red sash with a large turban at least twice the size of his head. His facial hair consisted of a black goatee and mustache. "I am but a humble Peddler, who sells goods to travelers such as you. Would like to browse my wears?"

"What do you think guys?" Dib asked his teammates.

"I don't know. There's something fishy about this guy." Wally spoke. "Me Mum always told me to never trust a guy with a goatee."

"The only thing fishy about my wears is this deep-fried collection of Clownfish." The Peddler responded while pulling several fried Clownfish on sticks from his bag. "Care for a free sample?" he added while offering the Aussie one of the fried fish.

Wally grabbed it with a scowl, took a bite out and chewed slowly. After swallowing the bite, he looked at the rest of the fish, muttered "I think I just found Nemo," shrugged, and ate some more.

"Let's see what you have." Dib spoke.

"Yay! Shopping time!" Kuki added.

The two bought several snacks and a broken pipe, which Dib was certain he could turn into something useful. As they prepared to continue onward (Wally had finished his snack) The Peddler spoke these final words. "Through the cave up ahead lies a valley, supposedly home to a community of... interesting beings." He then threw his remaining wears into his bag, slung it over his shoulders and began walking away. "May good fortune visit you, young travellers, so that we may meet again!"

The three continued on their way. They noticed the cave that The Peddler mentioned and were decided to enter it. The path through the cave was short, but still contained menace. A violent roach in a red cape blocked our heroes path. "WORLD DOMINA..!" it yelled before the bottom of Kuki's sneaker crushed it.

"Did you guys hear something?" she asked. Both boys shrugged, and the three continued on.

When the cave ended, the three emerged into yet another valley. They walked a short distance before seeing a strange creature. It was about the size of a cat, had pitch black, sleek skin, and three eyes, one of which rose from the top of its head.

"OK guys, we'd better approach this carefully..." Wally spoke cautiously.

"EHHHH! IT'S SO CUTE!" Kuki squealed, and rushed forward to embrace the creature. "Aren't you just the cutest little kitty in the world? Yes you are! Yes you are!"

"Desist this oppressive snuggling, human female!" it yelled, to no avail.

"You can talk?" asked Dib, who motioned for Kuki to release the small creature. She reluctantly complied.

"Yes. I am using my psychic powers to beam understanding of our language into your mind." the being replied as several similar creatures emerged from the shadows. "I am Lord Nibbler, of the Nibblonians."

"You're all sooooo aborable!" Kuki squealed while running off to hug another one of the cute creatures.

"You get used to her eventually." Wally commented. He then noticed that Dib had also taken an avid interest in the creatures, poking them, taking hair samples and asking them questions. "Him too, just with more time. I'm Wally, and my friends are Kuki and Dib."

"Hmmm. I can sense that both you and your mate have PSI abilities. Are you by chance seeking to defeat The Darkness?" Nibbler asked.

"Yes to both, but Dib gets by on being crazy." Wally responded, not understanding the alien's use of the word mate. Behind him, Dib was running in panic with a Nibblonian biting on to his arm.

"I see. We would like to assist you, but our numbers have been severely weakened by one of The Darkness's top followers: the sludge monster Hexxus." Nibbler replied. "He and his henchmen have kidnapped many of us, and they are being held at a factory behind a waterfall to the north of here. To enter, you must..."

"SOMEONE HURT THE ADORABLE KITTINES!" Kuki's screamed, interupting Nibbler's instructions. Her eyes had gotten all fiery at hearing this. "THEY WILL PAY!"

"I'm not totally sure we can trust these things. After all, they are aliens..." Dib objected, wiping saliva from his jacket sleeve.

"WE HELP THE KITTIENS!" Kuki yelled into his face.

"I say we help the aliens." Dib replied weakly.

Kuki released a roar of rage, then charged back into the tunnel, intent on taking on this evil head on. Dib and Wally had to sprint to keep up.

One of the other Nibblonians approached Nibbler. "Do you think we should have mentioned the password?" the female (distinguished by a pink bow tied around its eye stalk.)

"No mortal door can stop that roaring rampage of vengeance." Nibbler replied.

Inside the secret base of Hexxus, a Grimer guards the massive reinforced door to the base. It was built from twenty inches of pure Blorchian steel, the metal used on the hulls of Irken battle ships. Jack Spicer had been brought in from his post in China to code the electronic lock. The only way to open the door is to remain perfectly still and silent for three minutes- impossible for hyperactive little kids.

"Oh look, here they come. Foolish children, no one can penetrate the fortress of-" his next words (all of which came out as "Grim, Grimer!") were cut of by Kuki smashing down all 20 inches of, which smashed down upon the door post.

Psychokinetic fire radiated from her body, her hands were immoliated with heat, and white hot flames burned in her eyes. "I'M COMING KITTIES!" she yelled while charging into the base, ripping apart everything in her path.

"You know, that Shelia may be the strongest person on our team." Wally commented.

"Let's just hope she never meets my sister." Dib added. "I don't think anything would be left!"

Various enemies did their best to stop them, but all failed. Grimers and Muks were evaporated by unnatural fire, Jack-Bots were reduced to scrap, and weird, pink alien cats were knocked aside. Wally and Dib cleaned up the few who survived Kuki's unholy rage. Finally, they reached the inner sanctum of the base's master.

Hexxus.

"Children!" Hexxus exclaimed in a sarcastically friendly manner. "I'm so glad you arrived when you did! I've just finished a meal of radioactive sludge dipped in motor oil, and destroy you is the perfect way to work it off!" He finished menacingly will absorbing all the pollution scattered about his layer, causing him to increase in size.

"LET THE CUTE LITTLE KITTIES..." Kuki began to rage, but she was silenced when a large gob of sludge was dropped on her head, putting out the psychic fire and curbing her temper.

"It's ON!" Wally yelled while unleashing a PSI Rockin' and Dib pitched in with a bottle rocket. None of them had any effect and the monstrous sludge being with a silky smooth voice. Kuki had clawed her way out of the gunk pile, and added a PSI Fire Beta. Hexxus simply sucked up the flames, then spit them back out, the fire burning even hotter with bits of toxin acting as fuel.

"You should just give up now, children. You can't beat my toxic love!" Hexxus taunted while breathing out a cloud of noxious fumes. The chosen trio fell to the floor, gasping for breath. Dib, in desperation, reached into his pack and threw the first thing he could find: the container of radioactive fuel.

"What's this? Oh my, you children brought me a little snack for when I'm done destroying you. I'll be sure to enjoy it later." Hexxus taunted again while throwing the fuel container behind him. The three friends were moments away from defeat.

"Well, it was noice knowing you guys." Wally stuttered out as he choked on the fumes. "And Kuki, there's something I've wanted to say since we meet..."

Before Wally could spit out his last words though, a new chant filled the air.

"Earth!"

"Fire!"

"Wind!"

"Water!"

"Heart!"

"GO PLANET!"

On that last note a bright blue and green super hero with a bad haircut smashed through the wall like the Kool-Aid man! "By your powers combined, I am **Captain Planet!**" The strange flying man then blasted Hexxus with a beam of environmentally friendly laser power, blowing away a portion of Hexxus's seething, bloated body.

"I don't know who you are you strange multi-colored man, but you're about to go extinct!" Hexxus yelled before retaliating with a wave of sludge. Captain Planet disintegrated it with a single green energy beam, then flew forward and blew Hexxus apart with a single solar powered punch!

"That cleans up this mess." Captain Planet commented before looking directly at you. (Yes YOU! The reader!) "Always remember that pollution spreading alien invaders will only be stopped by the children on the world banding together to fight them with baseball bats and frying pans. The power is yours!" He then vanished in a burst of light.

The Chosen trio had no idea what to make of this. "That was... weird." Dib commented after a few good minutes of thought.

"I've seen some strange stuff since I've started my journey, but that's gotta be in the top Q." Wally commented, and they all began to walk out.

"Well, at least all the kitties can go free now." Kuki added. "Say Wally, what were you trying to tell me earlier?"

"Oh, I uh... remembered you owe me a quarter!" Wally replied in a startled manner.

"Do not!"

"Do to!"

"Do not!"

"Do to!"

"Do not!

"Do to!

"Do not!"

"Do to!"

Dib just sighed. "It's gonna be a long walk back to Nibbler Valley..."

* * *

A/N: Sorry about the long absence on this one. A combination of being sick, school, and just plain old writers block has kept this chapter down for too long. I really feel like I made up for it though and I hope you agree.

Special thanks go out to DragonKazooie89 for suggesting the Nibblonians as the Mr. Saturns. As thanks, you'll be featured in a very special breaking of the fourth wall at the stroys climax. Fans of the game, you know what I'm talking about. Please don't spoil it for others.

Speaking of fans of the game, I really threw you for a loop at the end, didn't I? I knew Hexxus would never be so crass as to suddenly starting pigging out on a meal in the middle of a fight, so I changed things up a bit. For those of you too young to remember Captain Planet, all you need to know is that he's a hero. And he's gonna bring pollution down to zero.

The peddler from the beginning is from the movie Aladdin, the clownfish really is Nemo (hiss if you want, I don't care), Wally's distrust of goatees is from the Kids Next Door episode Operation: P.O.O.L., and the pink cat things that were mentioned off hand are whatever alien race Kat is from Kid V.S. Kat, (For those of you not familiar with the show, it's basically Invader Zim written by Canadians. Suffice to say, it isn't nearly as good) one of the many cartoon aliens enslaved by The Darkness.

Rate and Review!


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15: Bushwhacked

The choosen trio returned to Nibbler Valley, covered in gunk from the exploded Master Hexxus. They recived a hero's welcome, as the cute little aliens were overjoyed to be freed from their smelly slavery.

"Thank you, my smelly savior, for rescuing my people!" Nibbler praised. "Someday, somehow, I promise you that we shall repay you."

"Aw, it was nothing. I took that big pile of gunk down with one swing of my bat!" Wally bosted, leaving out the involment of Captain Planet.

"I hate to ask you for help again so soon, but can you restrain your female companion?" Nibbler asked while gesturing to Kuki. "She insists on snuggling us while still cloaked in the scent of Hexxus. We have a hot spring you may cleanse yourself in."

"I'll talk to her." Wally stated, and a few minutes later, the three of them stood before a pool of steamy, pink water(?) in bathing suits provided by the Nibblonians. Dib (as usual) was skeptical.

"Am I gonna be the one to point out the water is pink?" he asked before noticing that Wally and Kuki were already soaking in the alien liquid. Dib just rolled his eyes. "Once again, the voice of reason is ignored." He mused while easing into the water. A strange sensation washed over the paranoid boy. "Hey guys, does something feel... off about this water to you?"

"No mate, you must be imagining it." Wally replied back, and Kuki just splashed around a bit.

"I mean, it dosen't feel bad, it just kind of... tingles." Dib mused. "Makes my skin all... jittery.

"Well that's 'cause it's warm, silly!" Kuki spoke up.

Dib raised an eyebrow. "Water can be warm?" he asked. "We never had warm water back at the Boarding Skool, and I've been there most of my life."

"Wait wait wait wait!" Wally exclaimed suddenly. "You're telling me you spent most of your life in a **SCHOOL!**" He asked incredulously. The very idea was unfathomable to the book dumb blonde.

"My fath- I mean, Professor Membrane, diagnosed me with insanity when I was four, and sent me away to Boarding Skool until it wore off." he explained. "I had almost rejected my belief in the paranormal when he came..."

This riveting display of characterization came to an abrupt end when a Nibblonian arrived with for steaming hot cups of... something. "As further displays of gratitude, we present to you an energizing beverage crafted from procesed beans farmed and fertilized on our home planet." he stated while offering them the cups.

All three took the cups, but two were not so certain they wanted to drink. "I'm not sure we should just wantonly consume alien beverages..." Dib mused. "They might cause fur to grown on our organs!"

Kuki looked down at the beverage, took a sniff, then made a face. "D.A.R.E. to be Clean Talking Rainbow Monkey says to never take funky substances." She spoke up. "And this water looks pretty funky."

"Bah, you wimps! I ain't afraid of no alien soda!" Wally exclaimed, seeking to impress his friends (espically Kuki). "Bottoms up!" he exclaimed, and doused the whole thing at once. Wally smacked his lips twice. "It seems... to taste alright..." He finishes just as his eyes expand to the size of saucers.

That's when things started getting weird.

Wally suddenly felt as if his body was weightless, and that his mind had become one with the universe. Nibbler Valley and his friends were washed away by a blur of baby blue, until the soft color was all he could see. Suddenly, words began to scroll down the blue.

Wally...

You've traveled very far from home...

Do you remember how your long and winding journey began with someone pounding at your door? It was Cartman, the worst person in your neighborhood, who knocked on your door that fateful night...

On your way, you have walked, thought (a little), and fought. Yet through all this, you have never lost your courage. You have steadily grown stronger, though you have experinced the pain of battle many times...

You are no longer alone in your adventure,

Kuki, who is steadfast, kind, and even pretty...

"Woah, slow down there, scrolling white words!" Wally exclaimed back. "I do not like Kuki!"

The words came quicker this time.

Uh, yeah, you do. It is really obvious. I mean, in the Series Grand Finale, you two were shown married to each other.

"What Grand Finale? I've never been to Finland." Wally retorted, completly ignoring the revelation of marriage.

Uh, just... just forget I said anything. Listen, I'm your subconcious, so I know these things. Can I finish my trippy monolouge?

"Yeah, sure, go ahead." Wally replied.

Ahem, where was I... Oh yes! And Dib, who can be a little strange

"You're telling me..." Wally remarked snidely.

Alright, you know what? If you're not going to take this seriously, I'm done. This exposition is over, you're on your own! Have fun, bucko!

After this angry proclamation, the blue backround became distorted again, slowing shifting and spinning until reality had been restored. Wally was laying on the grass, with Dib standing over him, readying a home-made defibulator.

"Clear!" he yelled, and sent the volts of electricity surging into Wally's chest. The boy spasamed for a moment, then got up.

"I'm I'm OK, I'm I'm OK, get that thing away from me!" Wally demanded while knocking away the offending defibulator.

"I'm glad you're alright, Wally." Kuki stated. "You drank that weird drink, then you got all loopy. Wally blushed slightly, touched that his female teamate was concerned for his safety.

"I to must apologise, chosen one." Nibbler added. "It was my mistake in giving you that coffee, as it was clearly too strong."

"Yeah, well, just don't let it happen again." Wally grumbled. Normally, he'd take offense to the implication that something was stronger then him, but he really didn't see how he was in a position to argue. So, he let it go.

Suddenly, another Nibblonian rushed up to Nibbler, and the two conversed in Nibblernease. The head alien turned to our heroes. "The objective of your journey is to find eight sanctuary locations and claim their power, correct?" he asked.

"Is that what we're doing?" Dib asked. "No one ever clued me in on that. I thought we were supposed to stop the aliens."

"The two go together." Wally told Dib. He then confirmed Nibbler's belief.

"Then I belive we can repay a small fraction of our debt to you at this very moment." Nibbler points to a cave entrance just across from the hot spring. "One of the sanctuaries lies beyond that cave. Be prepared, however, for a powerul guardian awaits!"

Wally just cracks his knuckles. "Finally, time to fight!"

After changing out of their swimware, the chosen trio set off into the cave. The Bellsprouts and Oddishs that tried to intercept them were easily defeated, and with little trouble, they reached the boss himself, a creature evil enough to be hand picked by The Darkness to protect this spot... A big, duck/plant hybrid?

"Um... hi there." Wally spoke. "Are you the sanctuary boss?"

"Tremble with fear, chosen heroes, for you are now in the lair of..." he began while slowly stepping into the light. "BUSHROOT!"

"PSI Fire." Kuki said in an unconcerned tone, sending a jet of flames at the psycho scientest, setting his bushy body ablaze.

"AH! AH! GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!" he exclaimed while running around in a crazed circle.

"You think we should help him?" Dib asked. "This is a pretty interesting specimen, I'd like a sample before it burns to ash."

"Yeah, I guess so." Wally replied. "Kuki, would you mind..?"

"OK!" she responded happily. "PSI Freeze!" The psycokinetic attack extingushed the flames, but left the sanctuary guardian frozen in a block of ice. Wally walked up and non-chalontly bashed it open with his bat, causing Bushroot to fall to the ground, beaten.

"Alright, alright, you guys win." he pleaded, knowing he is far outmatched. "Just go into your sanctuary, and leaf me here all alone."

"Great! Let's go mates!" Wally replied eagerly, but Kuki stayed back.

"We can't just leave him here, look how sad he is!" Kuki exclaimed. Indead, Bushroot did seem ready to cry. "If you meanie heads are just gonna leave him like this, fine, but I'm gonna try and cheer him up!"

"Kuki, he's a servant of the Darkness, we can't reason with him!" Dib replied.

"I knew helping the Darkness was a mistake." Bushroot spoke up. "It said all I had to do was guard this sanctuary, and my wildest dream would come true. Too good to be true, I should have know."

Kuki sat down next to him. "So what is your wildest dream, plant duck man?" she asked in a kind voice.

"To not be lonely." The villain said with a sigh. "Since no girl could love a mutant like me, I've spent years trying to create my own plant companion. The Darkness told me if I succeded I'd be told what was wrong."

"Oh what!" Wally exclaims. "You're lonely because you're half plant? Mate, I have seen way weirder things on my journey, and I haven't been doing this THAT long."

"Yeah! All you need is a good dating site. I'm sure you'll find someone in no time!" Kuki encouraged. At the sound of this, Bushroot became encouraged.

"You know what, you're right! Bargening with aliens isn't gonna find me a girlfriend unless I come out of my shell!" he exclaimed. "Thank you children, the sanctuary is yours. I'm off to find love."

As the hopeful duck/plant hybrid ran off, Kuki had an adoring look on her face. "I really hope he finds someone!"

"Let's keep moving before I puke." Wally grumbled.

"I wish I'd gotten a chance to examin him." Dib added.

With that, the three heroes stepped through the cavern exit, onto the grassy interior of (for them) the second sanctuary. The defining feature of this location was a small gyser of pink milk, which created a pool around it. As Dib began babbling some paranormal technobabble about how this was possible, Wally heard the next tune as his mother (original game titledrop) told him to be a strong, thoughtful boy.

With another sancturay regained, our heroes drew closer to their victory over the Darkness. But in a city beyond the sand, evil forces gathered...

* * *

A/N: OK, I am really sorry about the delay on this one. Things have been going pretty rough lately, and I find myself short on ideas and time to write frequently. I really hope I finish this at some point.


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